Religion: Is Jesus my imaginary friend?

Are we making it all up?

My three-year-old has an imaginary friend. They play, laugh and explore together. But that’s not what’s supposed to happen in our faith traditions—right? Too often, my childhood picture of Jesus behaved more like an imaginary friend than the risen Lord. 

The “god” I prayed to always seemed to agree with everything I liked, object to everything I didn’t, and generally offer me a nice pat on the back whenever I wanted it! Convenient, but not very real.

So how do we connect with someone beyond our own imagination?

The theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book “Life Together,” once asked whether it is harder to confess one’s sin to God, alone in our room, or out loud to a trusted friend. Most of us would rather pray alone and not share our personal struggles with anyone else. Bonhoeffer’s warning challenges me to this day: what if the reason I’d rather “go to God in private” is because I’m really just having a conversation with myself? 

James 5:16 gives the alternative: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Grace becomes tangible when we bring our authentic selves into genuine relationships.

We need one another.

In the opening pages of the Hebrew Bible, God points to a different way. In Genesis 2, God declares, “It is not good that the man should be alone,” and provides “a helper corresponding to him” (ezer k’negdo in Hebrew). 

Everywhere else when this word ezer appears, it describes God as our great help and deliverer. In Genesis 2, it carries the idea of a partner who offers a counterbalancing strength.

Think of trying to stand up from the floor using only your own legs—it’s difficult to say the least. Now imagine two people sitting back-to-back and pressing against each other. With that equal and opposite force (and a bit of practice), both can rise smoothly. The gentle resistance doesn’t hold them down; it provides the leverage they need to stand. 

Healthy relationships in a faith community do the same. They steady us and keep our spiritual life from tipping into the imaginary-friend-zone.

This does not mean that we always agree with each other, but I am convinced that seeking wisdom from God is never a purely private matter. If we want confidence that we are listening to God and not just to ourselves, we need companions who know and love us enough to ask hard questions.

The Christian claim is that God took on flesh and continues to work through a flesh-and-blood community. That’s why Jesus promised that where two or three gather in his name, he is present in a unique way. Community protects us from shrinking God down to the size of our imagination and invites us into a life larger than ourselves.

So here’s my pastoral encouragement: commit to a faith community and commit to conversation. Show up, in person, when possible. Join a group that prays and studies Scripture together. Welcome friends who will both comfort and challenge you. 

Only in the give-and-take of genuine relationships can we know that our faith is anchored in reality, not merely in our subjective feelings.

Don’t settle for an imaginary friend. This week, seek the living God in the company of God’s people.

Tyler Allred is Lead Pastor of Grace Hill Church, a 127-year-old ECO Presbyterian congregation in Morgan Hill. He can be reached at ty***@********ll.org.