Close to the freeway and Dunne Avenue is a large shopping
center. You know the one. Lately, I have been appalled at the
lumber supply and grocery cashier people.
By Burton Anderson
Close to the freeway and Dunne Avenue is a large shopping center. You know the one. Lately, I have been appalled at the lumber supply and grocery cashier people. On several occasions, my change, both bills and coins, has been thrust into my hand without counting or comment along with my unbagged purchases. The attitude seems to be, “Here it is, now be gone.” What has happened to polite society?
Growing up in the 1930s and 1940s, my family’s five bedroom home in Oklahoma was always filled with love, family, cousins and many friends. As well as manners.
There was no doubt Mother was a dominant force in our family; a stern and strict disciplinarian. And, Mother made me mind my manners as a necessity in my learning and maturing to adolescence.
I probably failed her many times. One dalliance, however, stands out above all others.
Remembering one of my morning classes in my 1940s high school where I attended Mr. Boyer’s biology class, I recall that a substitute teacher filled in.
Immediately, she began the class by saying that we would have a test. As Anderson, of course, I sat at the front.
My name alphabetically determined that I sat first desk on the front row at the left of the teacher. Out front and trying to clown for the class, I blurted out a guttural, “Oh, no!”
The substitute teacher quickly moved over in front of my desk, swung back her book and hit me sharply up side the head, almost knocking me out of my chair. Back then, teachers could do that.
Loudly, she directed me to the office, where Principal B. Roy Daniels held forth. He called my mother, reported my offense and I remained confined to the office until the end of the school day.
This did make an impression on my adolescence. Obviously, I vividly remember it.
You see, my mother had been a grade school teacher and knew B. Roy Daniels, personally. Both condemned my “wrong doing.” In those days, discipline and manners were most important. Certainly, my manners were reprehensible and offensive. My mother was so ashamed of my behavior. Unlike today, back then, both teacher and parent demanded that bad manners change immediately or the recalcitrant would suffer the consequences.
That’s the way it was 50 or 60 years ago.
Today, I’m still convinced that good manners and temperate, considerate behavior remain the marks of civilized people. Nevertheless, we may think of ourselves as civilized, but we’re not all temperate, well-mannered or civilized. I am amazed at the behavior of the general public. Road rage, parents fighting over their children’s soccer, baseball or football games, uncouth loud belching, wearing a cap while eating, the ubiquitous extended finger. What has happened to a polite society?
Years ago the mother instilled polite manners and morals into her children and the father backed her up. What happened to that family?
It would help if TV and movies provided examples of good manners, but they certainly don’t. I can’t take the nastiness we have come to accept as TV entertainment. Some people like edgy confrontational sho-ws, but I think bickering and backbiting and blaming others for getting voted off a so-called silly “Reality” game show is ridiculous.
To trade insults with each other, a lot of people may think is funny. I think it’s bad-mannered and lowers our standards of what good manners should be. Humor doesn’t have to demean another person and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be tricked into laughing just because the laugh track does.
We need to return to public displays of good manners even if we don’t feel the other guy deserves it.
I believe in the old-fashioned forms of good manners. I expect a clerk to count out my change and to thank me at the end of the transaction, just as I think I should return the thanks. I believe that I should hold the door open for a lady.
I am embarrassed when someone curses within earshot of women and children. I don’t appreciate the smut on television and in the movies. I am absolutely appalled at MTV and all the nudity and pelvis thrusting.
Today, maybe we need to be reminded that, perhaps, the old time good manners should be renewed, nurtured and protected.
Think about it.
Burton Anderson, a U.S. Marine veteran of the Korean War, has lived in California for 47 years. He has a background in the aerospace industry. He may be reached at ba****@*ol.com The Board of Contributors is comprised of local writers whose views appear on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
