The recent news of Megan Meier, the adolescent in a small town in Missouri who killed herself last year after having been victimized by an online bully (an adult, someone she knew as a neighbor, a former friend’s mother, posing as a boy who liked her, gained her trust and then turned on her), consumed my thoughts this past week. The appalling actions of this mother who perpetrated the hoax spurred efforts to criminalize online harassment and stalking in her hometown. These efforts gained traction after the FBI investigated and found that her posing as someone else and then bullying a vulnerable girl via communications on MySpace didn’t constitute a crime.
Her harassment over the Internet isn’t really new. We’ve discussed on these pages the dangers of predators lurking on MySpace, and have written articles about how networks of “Friends” develop over communication via social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. The old rules of etiquette in relating still apply – sort of – but they also seem, to old fogies like me, to have morphed some in very subtle ways. Still, this presents another opportunity to review basic matters of online safety.
According to a recent study in the Journal of Adolescent Health, online bullying is rising among youths. Bullying still takes place mostly in person in the schoolyard. However, online bullying has increased and it seems to be a growing problem in other countries as well. The study reports that in 2000, 6 percent of youths age 10-17 surveyed reported being bullied online. In 2006, they report 11 percent of middle schoolers – a greater number surveyed than in 2000 – online report having been bullied online. More than half of those don’t know the Internet bully’s name because of the anonymous nature of screen names.
A review of questionnaires submitted by people to the organization Working to Halt Online Abuse (WHOA) reveals victims of online harassment are mostly female. The greatest number falls under the age 18-30 (which makes sense, because they are the ages that mostly use electronic media). The gender of the perpetrator is tough to pin, since they have a tough time identifying the person, but males only slightly outnumber females. The large number of unknowns could easily swing either to be a clear majority. Also, 76 percent are white.
Ten years ago, when neighborhood “online discussion groups” were profiled, some observers and participants noted that the absence of face to face contact led people to say more inflammatory or confrontational things to their neighbors they wouldn’t otherwise say if, for example, they ran into each other at the neighborhood bagel shop and discussed the same subject. The degree of anonymity afforded by fake profiles or nebulous screen names seems to make people even less inhibited and outright offensive. Psycho-Mom from Missouri is an extreme example of this, but if you check with your MySpaced kids and ask if they’ve ever been bullied online, if they haven’t, you can bet they know someone who has.
To help cope with online bullying, as with anything your children endure, experts recommend encouraging your children to tell you about anything that upsets them. A number of Web sites recommend that we go against our initial impulse of deleting offensive, harassing e-mails when we receive them. Instead, they say, we should keep a record by saving/printing the offending e-mails. Also, if one is particularly disturbing or breaks the law, contact the police.
For those who have been bullied online, or might be in the future, according to the Web site Exposing Online Predators and Cyberpaths, California amended its laws against stalking and harassment, including use of electronic media in the definition of such behavior being exhibited.
Some recommend checking school and district policies against harassment via electronic media. A quick online review of Morgan Hill and Gilroy policies didn’t reveal anything specific about harassment online, much less computer use or bullying. Perhaps the language around “creating a positive environment” at school and “ensuring the school district adheres to all state laws regarding … ” is meant to cover such situations. And, most high schools and middle schools have technology-use agreements that prevent abuse of computer privileges that must be signed by students and parents.
Any child can suffer from bullying during adolescence and teenagehood, but kids like Megan suffering from depression aren’t just lacking thick skin, they have NO skin. Everything, however inadvertent, seems to hurt. Parents whose children are especially vulnerable should be particularly vigilant about their children’s online use and seek help right away if online bullying occurs.
