Local family therapists are hoping class will help parents of
all denominations improve communication with their teenagers
Morgan Hill – Troublesome teenage years can turn a normally peaceful household into a battlefield.
Some teens and their families breeze through adolescence with little or no problems, but most families have some issues to deal with when one or more of their children enters this important stage, according to marriage and family therapist Jeff Bettencourt.
Relatively minor issues – disagreements about appropriate clothing, for example – can be just as troublesome as major concerns such as drug use and teen pregnancy.
Morgan Hill Presbyterian Church has organized a series of classes to help parents learn “tools” to nurture and improve their relationship with their teenagers as they travel through this difficult stage.
Pastor Mark Inouye said the classes are open to the community, not just church members.
“All of us who have teenagers are in the same boat,” said Inouye, who has a 17-year-old son and 14- and 11-year-old daughters. “None of us has done this before. Our hope is that everyone who participates will gain some tools to help us be better parents and have a better relationship with our kids.”
The idea for the classes came about when a Bible study group began to notice the trends of their conversations.
“There were eight couples getting together on a regular basis, and no matter what we started with, the subject, no matter what the Bible lesson was, we always got back to our kids,” said church member Julie Lucido. “What was going on in their lives, how things were affecting our families, kind-of comparing notes. The discussion about some type of class came out of those conversations.”
The first class was held Sept. 24 at 9am in the church fellowship hall, 16970 DeWitt Ave. Anyone interested in joining the free, weekly classes can just show up on Sunday, Inouye said, or call the church office, 779-2820, for more information.
Bettencourt and his wife, Shelli, both marriage and family therapists, are facilitating the classes.
Bettencourt said there are specific topics that the classes will cover, but he hopes to customize the discussions to the needs of the class members.
“We really like to have a format, it keeps everyone on target, but we also like to be flexible, cover things that come up during the course of the class; then we have a sense that people are really getting something from the class,” he said.
Some of the topics the Bettencourts will cover during the classes include discipline, communication, family meetings and attitude.
“Really the focus of these classes is to give parents and families the tools to deal with different issues that are common during this time in a child’s life,” he said. “I like to say it’s like going to Home Depot, where you get the tools to do the tile job yourself; but there are times when you need to bring in a professional to do the job.”
Inouye hopes families with teenagers will get involved with the classes, noting that the class is not just for families that have specific teen problems, but also for those who want to avoid problems.
“It’s not so much for fixing major problems as it is for heading them off,” he said. “Obviously, we want the classes to help those who need it. I think even those parents who have unusually trouble-free teens will find the classes helpful in continuing to keep lines of communication open.”
Inouye said there are also plans in the works for a class for parents of younger children.
“I was a youth pastor for 13 years; this aspect of the church community, the community in general, is very important,” he said. “There are so many families, with young children and with teens, and we want to provide something that can reach out to them.”
Marilyn Dubil covers education and law enforcement for The Times. Reach her at (408) 779-4106 ext. 202 or at md****@*************es.com.
