Though sports writers are often accused of engaging in an orgy
of Monday morning quarterbacking, rehashing every mistake and
miscue to death, there
’s nothing we like more than the exact opposite.
Though sports writers are often accused of engaging in an orgy of Monday morning quarterbacking, rehashing every mistake and miscue to death, there’s nothing we like more than the exact opposite.
That is, making predict-ions.
The great thing about predictions is there’s really nothing to lose because no one really expects you to be right about them and if you happen to hit a bulls-eye, everyone acts amazed and impressed.
In fact, I think that’s the whole basis for the theory of prescience — ignore the wrong predictions and focus on the ones you got right.
So here goes, for 2004:
In baseball, the San Francisco Giants will rip another chunk out of my heart by winning the National League West, then losing in the first round of the playoffs to the upstart Pittsburgh Pirates.
(Notice how often the Giants get matched up against an underdog, Cinderella team that smokes them like a Cuban cigar.)
I’ve been waiting for more than 50 years for the Giants to win a World Series and I’m only 39.
KnowwhatImean?
The Oakland’s A’s will discover another MVP in one of their no-name players sure to get a ticket to the Show some time in mid-season and everyone will genuflect in front of Billy Beane.
That guy is spooky good but, and this is not meant to take anything away from him, you ever notice how often the A’s promote all their guys as geniuses?
Remember Tony LaRussa?
That’s one thing they’ll never say about any Giants coach or GM, no matter how good they get.
There are no geniuses in the Giants organization.
In hockey, the Sharks will finally get past the Colorados and the Detroits of the NHL and win the Stanley Cup, just when they were least expected to do so.
How ‘bout those Wilson boys — GM Doug and Coach Ron.
Hey, I can dream can’t I?
In the NBA, Popeye Jones will return from injury for the Warriors and turn into a monstah rebounder, that is if there are any rebounds left.
When was that last time the Warriors had this many power forwards?
Two years ago, all they had was Danny Fortson. Now they have Cliff Robinson, Troy Murphy, Adonal Foyle, Popeye Jones and Brian Cardinal.
By the time the Summer Olympics roll around, everyone will get so tired of monitoring steroid and other substance abuse that they’ll give in and legalize everything.
Then the athletes will finally wake up and decide en masse to give it all up.
Yeah, right.
In football, old garlic-breath himself, Jeff Garcia, will have a big year and lead the 49ers deep into the playoffs next year.
Freed from the burden of Terrell Owens, who will sign a 10-year, $100 million contract with the woeful Detroit Lions and Steve Mariucci (who will forget the “devoid of any deep thought” quote about Owens), Garcia and his new favorite receiver Brandon Lloyd will tear up the NFL.
Hey, keep the snickering down in the peanut gallery, these are my predictions and I can make them as ridiculous as I want.
Unfortunately, the Raiders will not be so lucky.
After signing new coach Jimmy Johnson (great name, horrible hair), Oakland will discover that Johnson included a clause in his contract that he continue providing color commentary during games and gets to take every other week off to sail his boat.
Well, that should just about do it. Clearly, 2004 will be one whacky year. Then again, it could be just me. But just think how amazed people will be if even one of these predictions come true.
I would have to be psychic.
Jim Johnson is the Sports Editor for the Morgan Hill Times. Call him at (408) 779-4106 or e-mail him at
ji**@mo*************.com
