Only Nose Knows What Six Doctors Don’t

Sleep is a necessary body function. But, oh, how hard it is for the body to get the much-needed rest. It must be particularly hard to get for someone whose partner snores.

According to my wife, my snoring has become worse in the last three years. News to me. Only on rare occasions do I hear myself snore. However, because I sleep on one side or the other, the “down” nostril always stops up. I believe this nose closure causes my snoring. 

In the fall of 2005, my wife declared that I must make an effort to eliminate this terrible affliction. After consulting my general practitioner, I found an ENT (eye, ear, nose and throat) doctor in Gilroy. 

On our first visit, the doctor determined that I needed a “turbinate reduction.” Apparently, this operation reduces the nose bone, septum and membranes.

Thus, Dr. One was my first contact. Note for legal purposes I do not actually name the doctors.

The first operation did not relieve the snoring. Dr. One said that at times a second operation is necessary. So, I had the second “turbinate reduction.”

No change. Snoring still as loud and continuous as ever, according to my wife.

In fact, I believe that these operations did nothing to prevent or reduce my snoring, but enhanced it.

Since my snoring had become worse, I determined that my problem was due to allergies. Quickly, I made an appointment with Dr. Two, allergist, who said, “Of course, it’s your allergies and, we will fix that.” For more than a year and a half, these allergy shots continued, but no abatement of my outrageous snoring. I quit this doctor in disgust.

In the doldrums over this problem, I mentioned my snoring to my cardiologist. (At my age, I have a dermatologist, rheumatologist, urologist, astroenterologist and others.) She recommended Dr. Three for my snoring problem.

The good thing about Dr. Three is that he recommended lung capacity tests.  My test said my lung capacity was between 60 or 70 percent, because I had smoked in my younger years. He prescribed several drugs and after a month, I was up to 90 percent lung capacity.

Dr. Three introduced me to sleep apnea. Ostensibly, as one sleeps, the tongue slides back into the throat and stifles the air passage. Thus, the sleeper is without oxygen for however long it takes to recover. And, somehow, this equates to snoring. Dr. Three had a sleep clinic where one could spend the night and be monitored on how often he quit breathing and for how long.

Of course, the outcome of these clinics is to supply facial masks and equipment that pump air into the nose, a procedure called CPAP.

I didn’t want to spend a night in a clinic or the CPAP procedure. But, another matter prevailed with Dr. Three.

On my first visit, I had to sign that if I were 15 minutes late for an appointment, I would forfeit $45. On my first visit to the doctor, with no patients before me, I waited one and one half hours before seeing the doctor. On my second visit, no patients in front of me, I waited 30 minutes until he came in. On my third visit, I walked in and the secretary said, “Oh, didn’t anyone call you? The doctor won’t be in today.” I had had enough of this doctor.

Next, I found a new ENT. Dr. Four was in San Jose. He said he thought he could really fix my problem without any major surgery. So, we scheduled a time for my next visit. He didn’t say what the fix was. 

When we came for the appointment, his secretary said that a family tragedy had occurred that morning. For some months after, we thought that he had retired. Later, however, my general practitioner alerted me that he was taking appointments.

Again, I made an appointment with Doctor Four, who, remember, was definitely going to relieve my snoring. He ushered me in, examined me, then sent me to a waiting room. Next, I was directed to a hearing examination room. His partner came in and gave me a hearing test. Next, I was ushered into a waiting room. The partner came in and said I had a hearing loss and I could get a hearing aid in Morgan Hill or the VA center in San Jose. Excuse me, I have a veterans disability for my right ear, too many mortars and artillery exploding close to me in the Korean War. His diagnosis was nothing new and hardly effected my snoring. Absolutely, disgusting.

Next, I went to Dr. Five, another ENT. Of course, like Dr. Three, again, my problem was “sleep apnea.” That appears to be today’s promotional affliction. Currently, doctors are pushing it and sleep apnea companies are making money. So, he sent me to Dr. Six, a sleep apnea practitioner.

No matter, this time I received a “sleep apnea test” at home, because my insurance would pay for it. My test was more than $2,000.

Of course, after Dr. Six conferred with Dr. Five, who found that I had “sleep apnea and I needed the CPAP mask and accessories.”

Thus, I waited for further information and contact. After several weeks, a nurse in Dr. Six’s office phoned me. As we talked, she realized that I was emphasizing the point that my nasal membranes swelled when I lay down.  The down nostril closed, whether left or right.

She said, “I am going to see how we can fix that. I’ll get back to you.”

Almost two months have gone by. No reply. Could this be that nostril membranes closing are not a part of CPAP and the necessary costly contraptions?

I am now investigating Stanford University School of Medicine, Department of Rhinoplasty. Perhaps, they can reduce my snoring.

No matter, my nose knows why.

Burton Anderson, a U.S. Marine veteran of the Korean War, has lived in California for about 50 years. He has a background in aerospace industry. He can be reached at ba****@*ol.com. The Board of Contributors is comprised of local writers whose views appear in the Times opinion pages on Tuesdays and Fridays.