Since I moved to Boston to attend Northeastern University, I
have written on many issues focusing on those that college students
have to deal with once they leave home to live on campus. There are
the simple issues like homesickness or changes in environment that
can be dealt with usually easily.
Since I moved to Boston to attend Northeastern University, I have written on many issues focusing on those that college students have to deal with once they leave home to live on campus. There are the simple issues like homesickness or changes in environment that can be dealt with usually easily.
But sometimes there are problems that crop up that are more difficult to correct and must be handled carefully and with tact and if not straightened out can ruin the college experience. The subject is roommates and learning to live in tight quarters with a new person.
I am one of the lucky ones. I met my roommate, Meg, on a visit to Northeastern early in 2002, right after I was accepted and I went to look at the school one more time. Meg and I exchanged e-mail addresses and when we agreed to be roommates, we each put the others name on our housing applications to ensure that we’d be rooming together.
Meg and I had all summer to become acquainted. When we moved into the room, it was more of a re-union than a “meet and greet.” Most people don’t have that luxury. Like a blind date, they get to the room and meet the person that they’ll be living with for the next year.
Meg and I get along great. We have a decent (read small) sized room for two people, and we each have our own separate closets. It is important to be respectful of other people’s things and belongings when living in such close quarters. If you have siblings, then the transition is easier because you’re used to sharing your things. Problems can arise when you live with someone who was an only child or someone who is completely oblivious to other people’s needs.
Most of the time the roommate selection is left up to the university housing office and it is simply done by luck of the draw. Roommates are given the opportunity to “meet” via the Internet, by phone or by mail before they move in together.
My friend, Jenna, though had a terrible first roommate experience. She found herself living in a “forced double” which is a single room, half the size of a normal double, only now with the addition of another bed, desk and dresser and is suppose to be enough room for two people. And if that wasn’t difficult enough, her roommate was someone who was completely different than she was.
Jenna’s roommate requested that her e-mail address, mailing address and her phone number be kept private and not be given out so neither had the opportunity to talk to each other about anything before hand. Jenna was left in the dark till the day of check in. And when they did meet, it was not a good match. Jenna found that she had a roommate who was difficult to live with. Jenna would have to fall asleep every night with the lights on, the TV blasting and her roommate chatting loudly on her phone.
After numerous attempts to find a new room and new roommate, Jenna was able to finally move in with one of her closest friends. She thought herself lucky until she and her friend/new roommate had a disagreement. Jenna’s roommate is an only child, and had been spoiled by her parents her whole life.
She has a real problem with sharing her things, especially her time and her space, with other people. In one argument she told Jenna, “You’re always in the room. You never give me my space, or my alone time.” Not only is that a selfish argument, but she also didn’t take into account that both of them are paying for the room. It isn’t her room; it’s both of theirs. Jenna realizes that all people living in close quarters can and should expect to disagree, but now she is not only mad at her roommate, but at her good friend, too.
Not every dorm room is designed for just two people. I have friends living in rooms with two and even three roommates. A girlfriend of mine was living in a “forced triple” (a room built for two, but housing three) and at first the three became very close.
The three of them had become such good friends, that they isolated themselves and didn’t make any effort to meet anyone new. After the first quarter though, things changed when two of the roommates “teamed up” against the third. The situation became so uncomfortable that the one roommate needed to avoid being in the room at all costs and probably most painful, she lost who she thought were her two best friends.
Communication is an important factor in any friendship or relationship. You can’t expect any relationship to function if you aren’t able to talk things over. No one is a mind reader, and you can’t expect your friends to know what you want or what is bothering you if you don’t speak up and voice what is on your mind. There is give and take in any friendship.
No two people are the same, and you can’t expect your roommate to be just like you. For example, I’m an obsessive-compulsive neat freak, and at the moment, my roommate’s desk and bed are covered in her dirty laundry, bath supplies, her guitar, books and ramen noodles. My roommate, however, keeps all her things on “her side” of the room and vice versa.
Also, my roommate has a laptop computer, with a screen brighter than headlights on a car. She knows this, and if I’m sleeping always takes her computer outside, or lets me know how long she’ll be typing. She takes into consideration that my sleep is important to me. Many of my friend’s complain that their roommates are simply not considerate when they are trying to sleep by continuing to do their work late at night, their monitors on bright, and staying up late watching TV or a movie, oblivious that their roommate is being kept up against their will.
The best advice I can give is to treat your roommate how you want to be treated. Most people who move away to college are worrying about the same things you are. If you can, talk to your roommate before you move in and work out any issues you need to early.
And remember, you don’t have to be “best friends” with you roommate. Respect each other, and try to get along. Some of my favorite memories are coming home late after going out with pals and telling my roommate all about my night while I’m getting ready for bed. If communication fails and you realize that you and your roommate will never be able to find common ground, you can always put in an application for a new housing assignment and try again.
Lacey Green is a freshman at Northeastern University in Boston. Readers may contact her at La********@*ol.com
