Etiquette expert Charles
“Social Grace” Purdy identifies five areas where manners are
often less than stellar.
Etiquette expert Charles “Social Grace” Purdy identifies five areas where manners are often less than stellar.
• Showing consideration for the health and comfort of strangers.
This can include anything from reckless driving to smoking a cigarette while walking.
“In a society that prizes individuality so highly, it can be very hard to put others’ comfort first,” Purdy said. “But for a society to function, we all must participate in making it livable.”
• Writing thank-you notes.
Surprise! Mother was right. This effective expression of gratitude belies
its simplicity: They take less than five minutes to write, but senders will
be remembered kindly for their thoughtfulness, especially since few people make this a regular practice. “If you’re wondering whether to send a thank-you note,” Purdy instructed, “do so immediately.”
• Knowing where to draw the line when asking questions about others’ personal lives.
Purdy cites the prevalence of reality television shows as blurring the line between public and private. Before opening your mouth to ask a co-worker why they are, for example, getting a divorce, pause and put yourself in their shoes, he advises. Ask yourself, “Is this something I need to know? Do I have a right to know?”
• Agreeing to disagree.
With all the hot-button issues out there – deforestation, war and abortion, to name a few – people with differing beliefs can often become embroiled in heated arguments.
“Political discussions are important, but when the conversation turns into personal attacks, you’re not having a valuable discussion anymore,” Purdy said. “All you are doing is making each other angry.”
• Respecting the distinction between acquaintanceship and friendship.
It’s a familiar scenario: Bob in accounting has a birthday coming up, and even though you barely know the guy, you are expected to contribute to his birthday present. This faux pas is often committed where employees are encouraged to think of each other as “one big family,” Purdy explained.
“It’s wonderful when you develop friendships with the people you work with, but it’s a mistake to force it,” he said.
Not only can this place people in uncomfortable situations, but when such gestures of affection are hijacked, “it makes the real friendships seem cheaper,” he said.
