Back in the
’60s when we first heard Dylan’s disturbed imagery in
“Desolation Row” it was dreamlike; now it’s as real as a
photograph.
They’re selling postcards of the hanging
They are painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is full of sailors
The circus is in town.
Back in the ’60s when we first heard Dylan’s disturbed imagery in “Desolation Row” it was dreamlike; now it’s as real as a photograph. Come to California, where dreams really do come true – the hanging has been scheduled, the sailors are busy prettifying their battle scars before showtime and the circus is most definitely in town.
We are apparently a state with an unusual commitment to the exercise of our sacred right to vote. Ever the trend setter, California now has the only election system that allows Mulligans. First shot found the rough? That’s OK, take another; we’re all friends here. I mean, how important is the score really? The fun is in playing the game, not in fretting over strokes.
So let’s see, where does our fair state’s generous-to-the-losers election scheme put us? Ummm, the elected official can’t run in the election of which he is the sole subject; his main competition so far as can be determined given the rather whimsical filing rules, consists of the guy who couldn’t get the Republican nomination, the Republican who lost the general election, the rich nobody who purchased the recall so he could run but whom not even Republicans like, and a cadre of Democrats who all but a few are all doing their best to maintain that they have no interest in the job. This is not counting the dozens-to-hundreds of average Joes who will run for the same reason people buy lottery tickets, namely, somebody’s gotta win, why not me?
And yet, this being California, the state in which reality itself is only an advisory opinion subject to change without notice and void where prohibited, I feel there is still more we could be doing to take full advantage of the circus while it’s in town. I mean, after the recall it could be weeks or even months before we get another opportunity to implode our government, and as everyone knows, our attention span is very short.
So how about instead of a dreary old classic election conducted in neighborhood polling booths, we do it “American Idol” style? Let’s have a televised talent contest with multiple eliminations – it could be boffo in the ratings. Davis can tap-dance, Simon can do stand-up comedy, Arnold can terminate something, and Issa can do a dramatic reading of his rap sheet, Bustamante his imitation of a lieutenant governor and Garamendi in his political hack roll. The long-shots can sing and do magic tricks and stuff; hey, it’s gotta be better than The Bachelor.
Or maybe we could have groups of folks run; you know, the governorship as a committee. One guy does finances and another guy gives speeches and another guy shmoozes with the legislature, and somebody else goes around opening freeways and stuff. Make it a team competition thing, like the NBA, and we could have playoffs and a championship game. Just think of the merchandising possibilities: T-shirts and caps and posters and bobble-head dolls – I’ll bet we could market ourselves right out of this pesky budget deficit.
It’s becoming obvious, at least to humble old me, that this recall gig is bull-goose nutso even for California. But that shouldn’t stop us. We’ve only got two months before Ringling Bros. packs up the tent and hits the road, so I say, let’s embrace the dementia while the entertainment value is high. Since we seem to have such unmasked derision for the Office of Governor itself to let it’s occupant be decided like this, how about a final deranged twist: the guy with the fewest votes wins. If that were the standard, just imagine how the candidates would campaign.
Robert Mitchell is an attorney in Morgan Hill.
