Eva Musgrove wants teenagers and their parents, but especially
teenagers, to think about the death of her son, Christopher,
whenever they get behind the wheel of a car.
Morgan Hill – Eva Musgrove wants teenagers and their parents, but especially teenagers, to think about the death of her son, Christopher, whenever they get behind the wheel of a car.
The Live Oak graduate has been described as a good friend, dedicated to whatever he was doing. He was a member of Live Oak’s cross country and track and field teams, and his coach, Dean Raymond, has dedicated a scholarship in his name.
His loss has been felt by many in the community.
Anyone who has experienced the death of someone they love knows that the grief is experienced differently for everyone, but many find themselves with a cause to espouse or a course of action they want to undertake because of their loss.
Such is the case for Eva, who is speaking out about the dangers of motor-vehicle crashes, which are the leading cause of death for teenagers.
The petite mother of four wants teens to realize that they are not the experienced drivers they think they are and to realize they need to minimize distractions like talking on cell phones and chatting with friends.
Eva and Tim Musgrove’s son, Christopher, was killed Nov. 27, 2006, at approximately 8:30pm in a single-vehicle accident. He was driving a pickup truck on a frontage road next to Highway 580 in Los Altos that suddenly went down hill and around a sharp curve. No streetlights shone on the pavement, which was slightly slick due to early rains. Right at the bend in the road, a large oak tree stands not far off the pavement with a branch that protrudes nearly into the roadway.
“If he hadn’t caught that branch, he probably would have been okay,” said his stepfather, Tim.
The truck, as it spun through the curve, caught the branch, which spun it further sideways, he said, and Christopher’s head smashed into the side of the truck cab. There were no side airbags in the truck, he added.
Though it has been nearly a year since Christopher was killed, the family is no where near the end of the grieving process, they said.
“It has been crushing, absolutely devastating,” Eva said. “We all deal with things differently, and each member of the family, we’re all on our own roller coaster trying to handle our emotions.”
The grieving process might be easier, Tim said, if there weren’t so many factors involved in the accident.
“It’s just more anxiety added to the grieving process,” he said. “People don’t like uncertainty, we don’t like the unknown, we sometimes fear the unknown. In this situation, there are just too many factors. It would be helpful if we were just able to eliminate some of these factors.”
The Musgroves said that both Christopher’s cell phone and iPod were loose in the truck, and the truck itself was a factor, since he had only recently begun driving it, and there were no side airbags in the truck. The road was slippery because there had been an early rain, not hard enough to wash surface oils away. Christopher was not familiar with the road, and there is a downhill grade just before the turn in the road. The turn is sharp and unlighted, and there is no sign warning of the curve. There is also a large oak tree at the curve not far off the road.
The Musgroves say they don’t know what he was doing on the road and aren’t certain where he was going, but they do know this was probably a road he had never been on before.
All of these factors, they feel, may have played some role in the accident. The cell phone and iPod, for example, may have distracted Christopher. He could have been looking for a song on the iPod or talking on the cell phone. His cell phone records show the last call was made at 8:18pm, and the accident took place at approximately 8:30pm. The last call was made to the directory assistance number 411, so he could have been automatically connected to another number, Tim said, or he could have been using one of the other 411 services, including getting directions.
A new law, signed in September by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, will make it illegal for teens to use electronic devices while driving. The law will go into effect July 1, along with a law prohibiting adults from using anything except hands-free cell phone devices.
Eva said she’s pleased about the new law, but is not sure how much it will actually change teen behavior. There are laws against speeding, she said, and yet many teens still speed. The irony of the whole situation, she said, is that she was known as the “cautious mom,” because she repeatedly told Christopher and his friends to “be careful,” as they left the house, always worried about them until they were safely home, made a point of reminding them about the dangers on the road.
“We’re a society that has shut ourselves off, we have sealed ourselves off from the unpleasantness of life, and when it comes crashing down on us, we’re not prepared,” Eva said. “I really wish that what teenagers would at least try to understand is that parents are not trying to ruin their lives, not trying to take the fun out of it.
“We are worried about them because we love them so much, and we want them to know that nagging equals love,” she said, her eyes filled with tears as she holds a poem about Christopher written by her daughter.
Tim said he and the family would like to see teenagers take things more seriously without having to experience a tragedy to do so.
“Probably 10 friends, Christopher’s closest friends, now they get it, they have been so moved by all of this,” he said. “Kids seem to wake up to the possibility of danger after something happens to one of their close friends. We would like to see them get it before, instead of after.”
Christopher’s friends have been profoundly affected by his death, and Eva and Tim say it means a lot to them that teenagers still keep in touch with the family.
Their 21-year-old son George is in San Diego training to be a paramedic. Tim said it was ironic that after taking most of the month of December off last year to be with the family, George returned to his training to learn about vehicle extraction, removing a badly injured person from the vehicle after a major accident.
The nature of the profession, Tim and Eva said, means there is a high level of stress and a high incidence of depression for George, but they’re also concerned about his possible reaction when he finds himself responding to an accident similar to the one that killed his brother.
“Sooner or later, he could come into a scene like that, and how will he handle it?” Eva asked.
Their younger son and daughter, Sophie, 10, and Derek, 7, are also stunned by Christopher’s death.
The family has sought help from the Center for Living with Dying, under the wing of the Bill Wilson Center. The center has a “Healing Hearts” program, which puts children into groups of 6-10 of a similar age level who have also lost a loved one.
“It’s a very powerful program,” said Janet Childs, director of education, training and critical incident stress management for the center. “The kids get a chance to really talk about the impact of the loss, and we help them process that grief in a variety of ways, not just talking about it. We use art and exercise, do a lot of activities together.”
Eva’s desire to reach out to other teens and their parents, to urge them to drive more careful and do away with distractions, is a good way to deal with her grief, Childs said.
“It is a wonderful action step to take in the process,” she said. “It also enables you to take back some of your power. Death of someone we love, particularly a child, can make us feel so helpless.”
Reaching out may help her cope with her loss, but Eva isn’t motivated because of that.
“I don’t want another family to have to go through what we have suffered,” Eva said. “I want kids to realize what could happen, to be careful, to be aware.”
CENTER FOR LIVING WITH DYING
- 24-hour hotline for referrals and support for people dealing with illness or grief,
(408) 850-6179
-
Healing Hearts programs for children and teens, programs for adults as well
-
Twice yearly community-wide candle lighting ceremony to honor the memory of loved ones; the next ceremony is on Dec. 12 at 6:30pm at the center, 1265 El Camino Real, suite 208 in Santa Clara.
-
For more information about the center, call (408) 278-2515.
