While professional baseball closes another chapter on the 2006
campaign and youth baseball fall leagues wind down, children’s
attention turns toward pumpkin patches, corn mazes and Halloween
masks. The farthest thing from their mind is the 2007 season.
While professional baseball closes another chapter on the 2006 campaign and youth baseball fall leagues wind down, children’s attention turns toward pumpkin patches, corn mazes and Halloween masks. The farthest thing from their mind is the 2007 season.
Not my 5-year-old! His focus is on getting a new baseball glove. If you’ve ever wanted to relive Nightmare on Elm Street, the glove version, try buying one online. Thinking I knew everything there was in buying gloves, I called to purchase a new well-known model.
The phone call and conversation unfurled like a scene out of Night of the Living Dead – who am I talking to and what am I doing?
“Hi, you’ve reached the Sports Junction Glove Company, home of the glove that makes the catch every time, we guarantee it. If you’d like to purchase a baseball glove press one, a softball glove press two and if you have no idea what a glove looks like press three.”
I pressed one and promptly heard, “If you’d like an infield model press one, an outfield model press two, a pitcher’s model press three, a catcher’s model press four, a first baseman’s model press five, a utility model press six and if you have no clue as to what position your kid plays, press seven.”
Figuring I couldn’t go wrong with a pitcher’s model, I promptly pressed three. To my amazement I heard, “If you’d like the youth utility pattern press one, the youth infield pattern press two, the outfield pattern press three, the deep web press four, the modified trap back press five, or the pro back, closed web, extended palm, velcro strap, hold it from your belt buckle model press six.”
Becoming a bit perplexed I pounded in two and listened to the following. “If you’d like your web, back and palm color to be almond press one, cardinal press two, navy press three, purple press four, five for royal, six for black, seven for forest, eight for red and nine for orange.”
Purple? I pressed black and became thoroughly frustrated by hearing the same barrage of choices for the lacing and embroidery. I also listened to choices I could make on who the glove was worn by, namely Barry Bonds, Ichiro and Timmy on Fairly Odd Parents.
My nightmare continued so I eventually opted for the customer service choice and felt relieved I finally reached a live soul. Content that I would finally get a glove with no frills and accessories I said to the rep that I thought I had just purchased a glove the color of Sponge Bob Square Pants, that it was autographed by someone from the Krusty Krab and is shaped like Patrick.
Look, I said, “I just want a glove for a 5-year-old who may have more balls bouncing off his head than landing in his glove.” To my utter amazement I heard the customer service rep say, “Would you like to spend between $10 and $20, $20 or $30, $30 or $40 or more than $50 for the super duper glove worn by Robert Redford in The Natural.”
Sitting dumbfounded I replied, “You know, thanks for your help, but I think I’ll just have him use his brother’s old glove.” Click! And I thought to myself, it’s broken in, grass stained and just needs a little oil. Perfect!
Rich Taylor is the owner, head instructor and CEO of California Pitching Academy and is an associate scout for the New York Mets. Reach him at rj********@***oo.com.
