I remember driving down Monterey Road through Coyote valley,
when it finally hit me
– the following day my life would change forever.
I remember driving down Monterey Road through Coyote valley, when it finally hit me – the following day my life would change forever. My wife and I had received that fateful phone call determining that we were the appropriate family placement for a darling 3-year-old boy. The following day we would bring him home and call him our son. That was close to 19 years ago, and since then, our lives have changed and continue to change.
Our road to adoption began when we moved to Morgan Hill in 1988 and decided to start a family. As young newlyweds, we philosophized on the reasons to become parents. A family that attended our church served as an emergency satellite home for foster children that needed only temporary housing while their parents complied with court mandates. As volunteers in the children’s program, my wife and I got to know many of these children and watched their transition from week to week.
Because it was so easy to get attached to them, we decided to adopt and become foster parents ourselves. After all our paperwork and interviews were complete, we met our caseworker, Sally. Before we started the selection process, Sally warned us that some foster parents go through the initial phase of the program, and when it’s time to make a match with a child, they give a long list of criteria that the prospective child must possess before they’ll commit. Rarely do the children waiting for adoption meet their definition of a “perfect” child. All children waiting in the system have histories, and many of their histories are sad. Having stated this, Sally then pulled out a couple of folders and showed us pictures of two beautiful boys, one of a 3-year-old holding a popsicle with a big smile on his face and the other of a toothless 6-month-old infant. We knew that older children were harder to place, and when we saw the 3-year-old and the look of carefree abandon that beamed from his ear-to-ear smile, we fell in love.
On our first day together, we took him to a portrait studio to take pictures to celebrate and mark day zero – the birth of our family. In this photo, he is broadly smiling with the same carefree abandon we had fallen in love with. Subsequently, on the third birthday of each of our other three children, we’ve had their pictures taken as well. These are the “baby” pictures that adorn a prominent wall in our home. His beautiful smile would fade, though, at curious times during those first few weeks. His little brow would wrinkle with worry, and though he didn’t say much, we knew he was struggling to adjust to his new environment.
Our son was a low-risk adoption candidate, meaning there was no one contesting his adoption. The father had relinquished his rights, and the court was in the final phase of terminating the mother’s. Even so, our social worker recommended what would turn out to be a last visit with his birth mother. The visit was to be for one hour at a neutral place – a county facility. On that day, just a month after he came to live with us, we dropped him off for his visit. When we returned and entered the visitation room, we found him clinging to his birth-mother, both of them crying. The hour was up, but the social worker standing near by said, “They don’t pay me enough to separate them.” After a few uncomfortable minutes, the birth-mom let him go and we said our good-byes. As we walked to our vehicle, our little boy turned to my wife and asked, “Mommy, where’s mommy?”
The transition of becoming a family for the three of us took time, but our son began to feel more secure as our routines fell into place. After a year, he took on the role of big brother with the birth of our first daughter. Several years later, another sister was born, and finally his baby brother. He struggled with mild learning disabilities all throughout his school years, but maintained enough of his original carefree personality and resilience to make it to graduation. During his teen years, he had numerous questions about his birth mother, which we answered as honestly as we could.
Last March 17, we received a call from our son who is now 21. He was excited. His birth mother had made contact after all these years, and he was on his way to meet her. Memories flooded through us. We wished him well, and hoped that their reunion would answer any remaining questions. Our family, once again, is in a transitional phase. We fell in love almost 19 years ago, and our love has grown deeper over time. Genetic roots are deep, too, though, and our son will need to explore and understand both of his families to know his true identity.
Our story is only one of thousands. The demand for foster and adoptive parents continues to be high; currently there are nearly 2,500 children in Santa Clara County who need out-of-home care due to abusive or neglectful conditions. If you would like more information, contact the Foster Parent Recruitment Program at (408) 299-CHILDREN.
Mario Banuelos has lived in Morgan Hill for 19 years. He has served on the South Valley Dayworker Committee and is a member of the Morgan Hill Community Founation. He is married and has four children. Reach him mb*******@*****er.net
