When faced with a teen suicide, a community wonders how it could
have been prevented – were there signs that could have been missed
by friends, family, teachers, school officials, coaches; in short,
even with those not extremely close to the teen, there is survivor
guilt.
When faced with a teen suicide, a community wonders how it could have been prevented – were there signs that could have been missed by friends, family, teachers, school officials, coaches; in short, even with those not extremely close to the teen, there is survivor guilt.
“While it is true that most kids who are depressed do not try to kill themselves, it is also true that depression is kind of a prerequisite (for suicide),” Barry Goldman-Hall, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director with Community Solutions said.
“You also want to be aware when kids no longer have an interest in activities they used to be active in, like sports or music … Also when they begin giving away their possessions, things they have collected, things that are meaningful to them.”
Another factor that can play an even greater role, Goldman-Hall said, is isolation or perceived isolation.
“The thing I worry about most as a mental health professional are kids that are isolated,” he said. “Kids that disconnect from families, from their peers, kids who don’t have a support system or feel that they don’t …
“Depression is somewhat invisible. These kids are usually not the squeaky wheels, not the trouble makers, they are usually not cutting school, and they are hard to spot unless someone really pays attention. In a class with 30 or so kids, in a school with 1,800 kids, that can be difficult.”
Goldman-Hall, who has been with Community Solutions for 18 months and has 23 years of experience in working with teens and families and mental health issues, said many troubled teens leave clues, “like dropping bread crumbs,” because they need help in some way but don’t know how to ask for it.
Some teens may make attempts at suicide in a dramatic way, for example, hoping they’ll be caught in time.
“They might overdose on Tylenol, pass out and wake up in the hospital, very glad to be alive,” Goldman-Hall said. “However, boys tend to be much more successful than girls. Boys tend to use more lethal means. Girls tend to overdose, while many boys use firearms or get involved in a car accident on purpose.”
Many teen suicides are impulses, said Goldman-Hall.
“They can be the result of some kind of profound rejection, such as the break-up of a relationship, getting cut from the team or not making the team, something that they see as complete and total rejection,” he said.
In many cases, when teens are rescued from that impulse, it can be a sobering experience, he said, and the teens often feel they made a stupid mistake and are glad they were not successful.
Then there are those who have literally “made peace” with the idea of suicide, Goldman-Hall said.
“I firmly believe as a therapist that once an adolescent has made peace with themselves about their decision, have spent time and come to a real cognitive conclusion, it’s very hard to prevent at that point,” he said. “I have know kids to take their life while at Juvenile Hall, at the hospital while under 24-hour cover. At that point, kids have stopped dropping bread crumbs. Kids who are still hurting are sending out clues.”
While it is sometimes difficult for parents to maintain communication with their teens, it is very important, said Goldman-Hall.
“Many times parents walk a tightrope,” he said. “If we ask, we are being intrusive, but if we don’t ask, we don’t care … As parents, I believe we should ask, should reach out as much as possible. And trust your instincts. Parents often know more than they realize they do.”
Someone looking in from the outside may see something, but may be unwilling to speak up. In that case, Goldman-Hall said, Community Solutions can advise how to best handle the situation.
