Michelle Mikaelsson sat at the edge of the main pool inside the George F. Haines International Swim Center in Santa Clara, weeping gently.
Few things can make her so sad, and it surely wasn’t the meet she had just completed at the Central Coast Section Swimming and Diving Championships, on a picturesque Saturday when everything seemed perfect. A day earlier, Mikaelsson swam her best race in her best event, posting 1:05.53 in the 100-yard breaststroke preliminaries – more than a second faster than her seed time. She reached the championship heat for the second straight year, and, just as she did in 2011, the powerful 5-foot, 7-inch Live Oak senior placed seventh (1:06.65) on Saturday to make the podium.
The top six finishers received medals.
“It’s OK,” Mikaelsson said, smiling. “I got a handshake.”
That she improved in the 200-individual medley consolation final, touching fourth in 2:09.39, added to Mikaelsson’s weekend. Her high school career ended the way she would have planned it.
Only it didn’t.
Because Mikaelsson, 18, had hoped her brother would be able to share the moment with her. In some way, Matthew Mikaelsson was – “His spirit’s with me every time I swim,” Michelle says – but the lack of his physical presence weighed on her like it has each day since Dec. 18, 2008, when Matthew crashed his Mitsubishi Eclipse into a tree on Condit Road and was killed.
It’s difficult for Mikaelsson to talk about Matthew. She does so only at the “right time.” Mikaelsson is stoic and reserved like Matthew was at times, a credit to their Swedish roots. She feels awkward bringing up his death to classmates because she doesn’t know how they will react. Only a few of them “get it,” she said. Only a few understand that the cross on Condit and a certain bench on the Live Oak High School campus honor Matthew, who died during Mikaelsson’s freshman year.
“I held in a lot of my feelings. It’s just how I cope,” she said. “I barely mention it, but I always think about him.”
Mikaelsson is the same age Matthew was when he died. She remembers waiting for him to pick her up at school on that fateful day in 2008. After an hour and half, Mikaelsson walked home and called her mother, Patti, who told her they had to go to the hospital right away. Something terrible had happened to Matthew.
“I kept telling myself, ‘It’s going to be fine,’ Mikaelsson said. “I didn’t think it was going to be that bad.”
Matthew was flown to Santa Clara Valley Medical Center. He was pronounced dead at 1:50 p.m., less than two hours after he crashed.
“It changed me,” Mikaelsson said. “Life goes on, but it’s just hard. It still affects me now. It probably always will.”
A best friend and role model, Matthew was Mikaelsson’s big brother in every sense. They were always together, along with their older sister, Amanda, while growing up. Matthew and Michelle played the piano and saxophone and even swam in the same events for Live Oak. Their smiles are identical.
Matthew was a good swimmer and a talented musician and planned to attend college in Arizona after he graduated.
“Matt was always positive,” Mikaelsson said. “He would just kind of turn any bad situation around. He was good at that. I knew that when he got out of high school, everything was just going to come together for him.”
With Amanda away at college – she is set to graduate from San Jose State this year – Mikaelsson’s home has felt especially empty. She and her parents, Jan and Patti, continue to mourn, but Mikaelsson can be reluctant to bring up Matthew.
“I don’t always want to be reminded of him,” she said, “because I’m already always thinking about him.”
As if losing a brother wasn’t enough, Mikaelsson’s world was shattered again the following year when a mutual friend of her and Matthew committed suicide.
“It all affected me so much,” Mikaelsson said. “It was crazy. I’ve talked to people about it, and they’re like, ‘I don’t know how you kept on swimming. I would be devastated if that happened to me.’”
That Mikaelsson was and continues to be. Swimming, though, has provided some measure of comfort.
Mikaelsson trains at least three hours a day, six days a week with her coach, Andre Salles-Cunha, at QuickSilver Swim Club in San Jose. Swimming has kept her going.
“She’s one of the ones who’s in the pool every day,” Salles-Cunha said. “She has a great work ethic, and she’s very strong.”
Memories of Matthew push Mikaelsson to keep working her hardest, especially after tough races.
“He’d be there to say, ‘You’ll do better next time. You’ve been trying so hard. Just keep working,’” she said. “It gets you down when you don’t get the time you want, like I did (Saturday). But there’s always time to do it.”
Mikaelsson shows the same genuine support toward her competitors.
“I like to say things positive to them, because they do the same for me,” she said. “I say stuff like, ‘You did well,’ to everyone.”
The end of the high school season marked only the start to a lengthy summer campaign for Mikaelsson, who is gearing up for a possible run at Junior Nationals. To get there, she will have to shave almost two seconds off her personal record in the 100 breast.
“With swimmers, it’s about what’s mental,” Salles-Cunha, said. “I don’t think you ever could say anything to a high school swimmer about what’s possible, especially not with Michelle. She’s always challenging herself.”
Mikaelsson has done just that since Matthew died. She has not only held herself together while the world crumbles around her; she has challenged herself to be the best she can be as an athlete, a student and a family member.
“She’s very caring and kind, funny and aware of others,” Patti said. “She’s just an all-around wonderful person. We’re very proud of her.”
Mikaelsson wants to attend college and possibly compete at the next level, but she isn’t sure where. The two-time Mount Hamilton Division champion in the 100-breast has received scholarship offers from several schools. Her GPA for this semester is 3.5.
“I’m hoping they can squeeze me in somewhere,” she said. “I like schools that evolve around athletics.”
Wherever she ends up, at least in the water, Mikaelsson won’t feel alone.
Mikaelsson and Sobrato’s Czsarina Isleta stood out among locals Saturday.
The two went head to head in the 100-breast final, with Isleta, a junior touching about three tenths of a second ahead in sixth place (1:06.32) to match her seed.
“I was hoping to move up by placing higher, but it’s OK,” said Isleta, who also took sixth (2:10.08) in the 200-IM consolation final. “My goal next year is to just take off time and improve and go up.”
Also in the consolation finals, Live Oak junior Ryan McCombs placed fourth (59.41) in the 100-breast and sixth (22.10) in the 50 freestyle, with teammate Daniel Pawlak touching third (48.03). Those two joined Saul Orona and Nathaniel Batey in finishing fourth (1:30.37) in the 200-free relay. The foursome, however, was disqualified.
Sobrato junior Christiana Bridges placed sixth (5:11.95) in the 500-free consolation final.
The SHS boys team has been named champions of the Santa Teresa Division.
