Boys. Huh. I think I
’ve finally realized that the days of chivalry and fidelity have
died. I know what you’re thinking. “Fool! What’s taken you so
long?!?
Boys. Huh. I think I’ve finally realized that the days of chivalry and fidelity have died. I know what you’re thinking. “Fool! What’s taken you so long?!?”
But, I regret to inform you that I’ve always been the romantic at heart, and quite frankly, the fool. You know, the girl that owns every movie starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, who watches that part in Sleepless in Seattle where their hands touch for the first time and “it’s like magic,” so many times the tape has worn out.
The girl who dreams of her Prince Charming rescuing her on a white stallion and then riding off to their fairy tale life together. The girl who can’t take a deep breath when she thinks about that one special guy.
Sadly, once when I was having lunch with friends someone asked, “Hey, who do you think will get married first?” And in unison they shouted “Chrissy.” But … after years in a pitiful state of denial, my wake-up call has finally arrived. I’m pretty sure Prince Charming has become a permanent frog.And a movie with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks? I haven’t been capable of stomaching one lately.
What made this happen, you ask? A lot of things. For years now, my friends and I have pretty much dealt with it all when it comes to relationships, dating and boys. At least we think we have: if there’s more to come, count me out. And, after I share our stories, you’ll probably feel the same way.
I’ll start out easy. Dates. Who hasn’t had a terrible dating experience? How about when a guy asks you to dinner and a movie, orders more food than you do, then says he only brought 10 dollars with him? Looks like this night is on you.
Then there are the dates filled with nothing but awkward silences where you watch the clock, praying for it to be over. The ones where the guy thinks his date is the equivalent to a free petting zoo. I once went on a date with a guy I’d only met once at Fresh Choice. We’re at the movies and he picks up my hands and starts licking down my fingers. Yeah, it was scary.
Lesson learned: don’t pick up guys from a salad bar restaurant.
The psychotic ones are the worst, though. When you’ve only known a guy for three days and he’s calling you constantly to find out where you are and who you’re with, that’s when you seriously consider the whole “restraining order” thing. Not to mention delivering lines like “I’m sorry I lost at my golf tournament. Do you hate me now?” I’ll tell you, it makes the finger-licker look mighty good.
Of course, having a bad prom date is even worse. What do you do if your date, who was practically dubbed “Lord of the Dance,” suddenly doesn’t feel like dancing on the night that happens to be your Senior Prom? My advice? Ditch him and find someone else to get jiggy with on the dance floor.
Then there is the cancellation of dates. One friend of mine was waiting for her prom date, who was supposed to show up at her house at 5 that evening. At 5:45 she finally calls him and he says, “Oh, I’m sorry. My girlfriend stole my tux, I can’t go to prom with you.” Uh huh. True story. And he didn’t even have the decency to call her; he just had her wait around in her lovely evening gown. And girlfriend? He conveniently forgot to mention he ever had one.
Oh, and this excuse seems to be a hot one. “Bad news. I got a speeding ticket and my dad wants me to go home. I can’t go out tonight.” I think what happens is, they’re so excited about going out somewhere with you that they’re compelled to speed, in the hope of starting the evening sooner, and with bad luck, they get pulled over, get a speeding ticket, and the night is over. Or maybe it’s just that they lied. The choice is yours.
Listen, guys. Whether you say it’s because your grandma is sick, you’ve been grounded because of your attendance, your girlfriend stole your tux, you have to eat dinner with your parents, or you’ve gotten a speeding ticket, just make sure it’s the truth. Because we always find out if it’s not. Always. So just save yourself the time and tell the truth right off. We’ll appreciate it. We may never go out with you again, but we’ll appreciate it.
And what about the unbelievable things that shoot out of their mouths sometimes? My friends and I have a fascinating assortment of one-liners from guys.
This one’s a personal favorite of mine. “I like you, but I like a lot of girls right now. It’s like I think of you as a friend, but then you’re really hot and I want to …” Or how about, “See, I had to go out on a date with you to see how much I liked this other girl.” And you can’t leave out “Yeah, I like you a lot, and that’s exactly why I’ll never go out with you.” Huh? Does that make sense to anyone? Let me know if it does, because I’m still trying to absorb that one.
All right, so maybe I have a little bit of attitude right now, or maybe I’ve just dated too many Mr. Wrongs. They just keep popping up around every corner, devilishly disguised as a possible Mr. Right, wanting dinner and a movie. And yes, I am only 18 and I haven’t even begun to meet all the fish in the sea, so giving up the possibility of love and Prince Charming would be sort of ridiculous. I guess I will hold back the intense urge to cash in my dating card and run for the nearest convent.
Maybe heartbreak can do some crazy things to you, I guess. But to help out more than 50 percent of the population, I’ll shed some light on why I think guys act the way they do. I don’t think it has to do with the “New Cow Theory” where a guy can only be with a cow once and then she is discarded as an “old cow.”
And I don’t think it’s because guys have a paralyzing fear of commitment, where the thought of a long-term relationship sends them into violent seizures. I think it has to do more with a fear of really getting hurt.
It’s hard to believe, but I think guys might actually be just as vulnerable as girls, or maybe more so. Some guys find it necessary to put up walls, to never let their true emotions show. They protect themselves; they try to make sure they’re never the one who ends up getting hurt. They’re afraid to actually feel something for someone, afraid of rejection, afraid of finding out what a broken heart feels like. Or maybe, afraid to have a broken heart again.
Honestly, the Y-chromosome is a constant mystery to me. I think they’re a constant mystery to themselves, too. And it’s not that girls don’t do terrible things also. We do. So feel free to write about it. I even promise to read it.
College couldn’t be coming at a better time. I’m expecting the boys at San Jose State this fall to be more mature, but who knows? Maybe they’ll stay the same, and just get taller.
Chrissy Bryant is a freshman at San Jose State University. She alternates weekly with Melissa Ballard in writing Teen Perspective. Contact Chrissy at ed****@*************es.com
