Historians tell us that 1816 was known to those who lived
through it as
”
the year without a summer
”
because temperatures worldwide were dramatically lower than
normal, resulting in snowfalls in America and northern Europe in
June and crop failures everywhere.
Historians tell us that 1816 was known to those who lived through it as “the year without a summer” because temperatures worldwide were dramatically lower than normal, resulting in snowfalls in America and northern Europe in June and crop failures everywhere. On the upside, the rotten weather forced a young lady named Mary Shelley to spend the summer indoors on her Swiss vacation where out of boredom she wrote “Frankenstein” (I always try to find the silver lining). Modern scientists believe the phenomenon was caused by the eruption of Mount Tambora in Indonesia which filled the upper atmosphere with ash and reduced the intensity of sunlight.
2010 may go down in history as the year without a spring because, well, we didn’t have one, plain and simple. However, there were no major volcanic eruptions this year so there has to be another explanation, and I believe I have it: sunlight has been dimmed by the injection into the atmosphere of a large cloud of ash created by the incessant burning of Meg Whitman’s money throughout California, resulting in cool temperatures and abnormally heavy rainfall not only here but throughout the country and even in Europe. For this there is no silver lining.
And please notice that the “fasten seat belt” sign is still lit; after a welcome pause of a few scant hours within which to dump the primary season in an unmarked grave the general election campaign will be cranking up, and before it’s done we may have achieved nuclear winter or Ms Whitman’s bankruptcy, whichever comes first. If you are a person inclined to play the odds I’d invest in a good parka.
But breathing candidates will not be the only entities forcing their attentions upon us in the coming months; there will also be a raft of new ballot measures – the propositions we just dealt with were merely aperitifs.
I have gotten wind of some of the items soon to be begging for ratification by the monetarily-sedated voters of our fair state; they include:
n Proposition 164, which prohibits oil drilling on legal marijuana farms operated by same-sex couples with valid Massachusetts marriage licenses.
n Proposition 189, which requires a two-thirds vote of the people before a large corporation can slap a label on a self-financed ballot measure that utterly misleads the people as to its intention. For example, if Proposition 189 were currently in effect the so-called “Taxpayers Right to Vote Act” would have been titled “PG&E’s Permanent Right to Rob You Act.”
n Proposition 212, which permits all local Hispanic law enforcement officers to randomly stop and question individuals whom the officer suspects of being Norwegian and to require such persons to produce documents of a type and quantity within the discretion of the officer. The measure also provides that in an emergency, officers are empowered to arrest additional suspects on the charge of Driving While Scandinavian, Associating With Known Cross-Country Skiers, or Wearing a Minnesota Vikings Jersey in a Public Place if the suspect’s actual country of origin cannot be determined with precision. After all, they all look alike, don’t they?
n Proposition 367, which makes texting the official state language; it is called the “OMG,E1HV2TXT Act.” If enacted, starting in 2014 anyone proven capable of being able to spell, use proper syntax, or construct complete sentences on a regular basis will be taken out and shot by a frng skwd.
n Proposition 769, which officially declares that the size of government has been drastically reduced, taxes have been substantially lowered, and that the politicians are now out of our hair, out of our lives, and out of our business as a matter of principle except when we want them to legislate morality or save us from the greedy machinations of private enterprise such as mortgage lenders, stock brokers, or oil companies. If Proposition 367 passes, this will be known as the “TPTY1” Act.
n And finally, Proposition 999.9, which requires that all proponents of ballot measures in order to place a measure before the public must prove that they are fluent in Sanskrit, can balance a basketball on the end of their nose, and have guest-hosted Saturday Night Live at least twice. This is called the “Save Us From Our Own initiative Process Act”.
Election season: this too shall pass, hopefully without requiring a two-thirds vote.
Despite being an award-winning columnist, Robert Mitchell doggedly remains the same eccentric attorney who has practiced general law in Morgan Hill for more than 30 years. Reach him at r.****@*****on.net
