Suicide is the leading cause of death for children between the
ages of 10 and 14 and the third cause in young people 15-24. That
was brought home to Morgan Hill parents and teachers Friday when a
14-year-old girl at Britton Middle School committed suicide.
Suicide is the leading cause of death for children between the ages of 10 and 14 and the third cause in young people 15-24. That was brought home to Morgan Hill parents and teachers Friday when a 14-year-old girl at Britton Middle School committed suicide.
Parents and teachers will first be dealing with children coming to terms with the death of a peer. Then they will ask if anyone could have seen this tragedy coming or if they are missing signs of distress from other children.
Most of the district’s principals and all available counselors were on the Britton campus Monday morning listening, counseling and offering comfort where they could to students, teachers and staff.
Parents will ask for advice on how to face the issue with their own children. The advice most frequently offered is to talk about this suicide in particular, suicide in general and to keep the lines of communication open – to talk. It also helps to be aware of the tragedy’s effect on others.
Lisa DeSilva, director of community resources at Community Solutions, one agency providing counselors to Britton, also has a daughter at the school.
“It’s more important than ever that parents keep the lines of communication open with their children,” said DeSilva. Children will wonder why these things happen, she said; parents should encourage them to ask questions.
“We all, parents and teenagers, are trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense.”
Community Solutions had between four and six counselors on campus Monday. “They will be there ‘as needed’ and that will be determined by the school district,” DeSilva said.
City Manager Ed Tewes also has a daughter attending the school.
“ I encourage parents to talk with their children,” Tewes said, echoing school district officials and counselors. “We need to stay in touch; they are learning to cope with something unexplainable.”
Counselors agreed that any suicide threat, however slight, should be taken seriously since sixty percent of American high school students said they had thought about committing suicide. Nine percent said they had tried it at least once.
The American Academy of Pediatrics website – www.aap.org – includes a report on teenage suicide: why it occurs, what are the signs and how to prevent it in your own child.
SO MANY SUICIDES
• It’s easier to get the tools these days: guns most often for boys, pills for girls.
• Students are under the intense pressures of modern life
• There is more violence in the newspapers and on television
• Lack of parental interest or presence: 90 percent of suicidal teens claim their parents don’t understand them. This is, however, such a common claim with most teens that it is not considered a main cause.
“ Young people also reported that when they tried to tell their parents about their feelings of unhappiness or failure, their mother and father denied or ignored their point of view,” the Academy report said.
SIGNS OF TROUBLE
Parents should be on the lookout for “clues”, the Academy said. They should watch closely for signs the child might be thinking of suicide. The list of signs plus crisis hotline numbers can be found in the adjacent box.
WHAT TO DO?
Do not remain silent; act quickly. Do not be afraid to use the word “suicide” – it may help to get the word out in the open. Talk about the child’s feelings; listen carefully. Do not dismiss problems or get angry. Do not admit that nothing can be done.
Remove all potential weapons: guns, knives, pills, razors or ropes. Call one of the crisis hotlines listed at the bottom of this article.
Find a professional counselor. Your child’s doctor can recommend several. There is help available on both out-patient and in-patient bases.
Above all, remind your child that you love him or her and will help with the problem. No matter how bad it is, together you will work it out.
AFTERSHOCK
It is not uncommon for “those left behind” – family, friends, even acquaintances – to exhibit stress after a traumatic event, according to Marianne Marafino, program director at Community Solutions and a counselor on the crisis line.
“After an emotional aftershock,” she said, “people often exhibit signs of stress: Fatigue, nausea, dizziness, headaches or shock symptoms.”
Marafino said people who experience “aftershock” often show fear, guilt, grief, irritability, depression, anger and emotional outbursts.
“They can withdraw and have either an increase in or a loss of appetite or a change in basic communication,” she said.
There are, however, things to be done. Marafino suggests that physical exercise and relaxation will help with physical signs of stress.
“Keep busy, reach out to people, spend time with others,” she suggested. “And, above all, talk. Talk is one of the most healing of medicines,” Marafino said. “Give yourself permission to feel rotten.
Keep a journal, eat right and try to rest.
“People under stress often are not able to sleep,” Marafino said. “Dreams and flashbacks are normal – but they will decrease over time.”
For family members helping a stress victim, Marafino suggests giving them private time and helping with everyday routines and chores.
“It’s important to say you’re sorry that the event happened,” she said. You want to show empathy. “Don’t take their anger personally.” Daily decisions may be hard for them, she said. “But it’s important for them to feel they have control over their own life – even something as small as deciding what to eat.”
Marafino had an explanation of the “cutting” that the Britton girl had inflicted on herself.
“Cutting,” Marafino explained, “is a form of self-mutilation. They’ll cut themselves to, emotionally, remove the pain. We take this very seriously – they are asking for help.”
She stress the importance of reaching out and letting the child know we care about them.
“There are people out there who care,” Marafino said.
Some children – and some Britton who were friends of the girl – may wonder if they said the thing that ‘pushed her over the edge,” said Britton Principal Jim McDonald. “As the day has unfolded, we’ve found instances of real remorse among other students.” He emphasized that the counselors did not think peer influence had anything to do with the suicide.
Counselor Karen Cyris said the girl’s circle of friends were concerned that they were not able to say “goodbye”. As an exercise in grief response, Cyris said, the students would be writing letters to their friend, to help them feel closure.
What everyone agreed upon what that Monday would be a difficult day at Britton.
The Britton Home and School Club did what it could to help by bringing in “comfort food” and running errands for teachers and staff, according to Kathy Sullivan, the club’s co-president.
“The staff seems to be handling it well,” Sullivan said, “but we just wanted to be there to do what we could.”
The Community Solutions Crisis Hotline is 683-4118. The Santa Clara County toll free, 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Hotline is 408-683-2482. American Academy of Pediatrics www.aap.org
