Hey, guys. Valentine
’s Day is exactly one week away, which means you have just seven
days to prepare for that special day of romance.
Hey, guys. Valentine’s Day is exactly one week away, which means you have just seven days to prepare for that special day of romance. Luckily, for this column I have transformed into Dr. Bryant, your romance resource specialist, to make sure this Valentine’s Day won’t be your last.
For some reason, around the 8th of February the national break-up rate increases dramatically. If you’re dating someone during the first two weeks of February, it is rare to get a commitment until around the 15th. I believe this is due to several obvious factors.
Many guys experience severe symptoms of “Valentine’s Day anxiety”, a traumatizing and debilitating disease that effects the Y-chromosome sector of the population, both physically and mentally. Suddenly, when the January fades into February, they’re overcome with fear and dread. Guys are concerned with what to plan for that special lady and how to afford it with limited funds.
Many girls expect to become engaged on Valentine’s Day. This can lead to problems, especially if the guy doesn’t get the message. I know a girl who was anticipating a proposal and got an electric razor instead. Needless to say, shortly after this she married someone else.
In all fairness, we have to be understanding of the unfortunate valentine-phobic. The guys carry practically all the responsibility of Valentine’s Day on their unprepared shoulders. This is where I come in – to cure you from “Valentine’s Day anxiety” forever. I’ve included a list of do’s and don’ts to make your V-day smooth and your honey swoon.
• Do prepare a candlelit picnic at the beach.
• Don’t prepare a candlelit picnic near a gas pump.
• Do write a song about your undying love and serenade her at her window.
• Don’t serenade the wrong window. You may find yourself going steady with her younger brother.
• Do open the car door for your date when you’re parked in front of her house.
• Don’t open the car door for your date when you’re slowing down to 25 mph in front of her house and telling her to hurry up and jump out.
• Do take your date to your favorite restaurant.
• Don’t take your date to your favorite 7-11.
• Do buy matching Valentine’s Day shirts.
• Don’t buy matching his and her cemetery plots. It’s hard to believe, but girls freak out from such an intense level of commitment.
• Do buy a teddy bear for your date.
• Don’t buy a live grizzly bear for your date.
• Do tell your date she looks beautiful tonight.
• Don’t ask your date what she’s done differently.
• Do tell your date she smells nice.
• Don’t tell your date she smells.
• Do take a romantic walk in the rain.
• Don’t try to make your own rain with a garden hose.
• Do tell her what great shape she’s in.
• Don’t challenge her to an arm wrestling match.
• Do gaze into your date’s eyes during dinner.
• Don’t gaze at the hot waitress behind her.
• Do write a note that says, “I love you.”
• Don’t spray paint it on her garage door.
If these tips haven’t helped you out, here are some serious ones that might do the trick. (By the way, girls, your guy might like some of these things, too.)
Buy her a giant, decorated heart cookie at the Morgan Hill Bakery. They are inexpensive (only $7.50 including pink box and bow) and delicious. Write her a poem, tie it up with pink ribbon and hide it someplace where she’ll find it. (Don’t worry about busting out the Robert Frost skills-a simple “Roses are red, violets are blue…” will do.)
Bring her a bouquet of flowers. Boycott the whole “dozen red roses” tradition. They are too expensive and they die in a week. Instead, pick her a bouquet from your own garden; just make sure to ask mom first.
Or give her a fun balloon bouquet, with a note that tells her how happy she makes you. Make your own valentine; using your own creativity and taking the time will truly show you care – much more than buying a 99-cent Hallmark card. Enlarge a photo of the two of you and put it in a special frame. Or take that photo and make a calendar, highlighting days that are special.
If you’re interested in someone, Valentine’s Day might be a good time to let him/her know. Slide a personal card into a locker, backpack or mailbox, revealing your feelings. Ask him or her to be your valentine. And if you’re not attached this Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. There are plenty of alternatives. You can invite your single friends to a marathon therapy session in your living room. Do facials, manicures, and pedicures, while sharing relationship nightmares. (Sorry, this one’s just for the single girls.) You can have an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend bonfire and burn all the painful reminders. (Just remember to bring a fire extinguisher.) Or maybe, you can just hibernate on Valentine’s Day and catch up on much needed sleep.
Whatever you do on Valentine’s Day, just be sure to have fun and I’m sure your date will, too.
