It seems that every other week in the media someone is apologizing for something. President Obama apologized to the Afghan people for the accidental burning of the Koran. The reverend Franklin Graham, son of evangelist Billy Graham, apologized to President Obama for questioning his Christian faith in a cable network interview.
A few sports commentators and columnists have apologized to New York Knicks basketball sensation, Jeremy Lin, NBA’s’ first U.S.-born player of Chinese decent, for making racial remarks. Fox News Channel commentator, Geraldo Rivera, apologized for suggesting the Florida’s unarmed teen shooting victim, Trayvon Martin, was partially responsible for his demise because he was wearing a sweatshirt hoodie. Conservative radio talk host Rush Limbaugh apologized to Georgetown University’s law student Sandra Fluke, who went to Capitol Hill to speak on behalf of women regarding access to contraception, for using degrading sexist language.
Public apologies are good because those who ask for forgiveness acknowledge mistakes were made, take personal responsibility and try to amend the situation to make things right. Apologies allow for forgiveness, dialogue and the ability to move forward. We can all learn from these apologies.
Sometimes comments are made intentionally and the choice of words premeditated to get a certain response; other times, comments are made out of ignorance; and occasionally comments are completely unintentional. What seems acceptable language within one group may not be tolerated in the greater community. When these misunderstandings occur or when offense is taken, apologies are in order.
For example, the use of the N-word within certain African-American groups may be tolerated. In fact, the use of the N-word is prevalent in rap music lyrics and videos. However, if an outsider uses the word, it can be very offensive.
For some in the Hispanic community, making light of one’s own legal status among friends helps diffuse the perception that they’re all here illegally. An outsider calling someone a “wetback,” however, is also very offensive.
I, too, am guilty of making light of myself in certain groups by using words that could be demeaning, not in regards to race or ethnicity, but to a disability.
During the early ’90s, I became aware that I had medical condition called otosclerosis, or progressive hearing loss. It started when my kids began complaining that the volume on the television was too loud. To find a happy medium in our family life, my wife’s grandfather gave me a pair of hand-me-down hearing aids that I used to watch TV, go to the movies, plays or parent meetings. The hearing aids worked for a while but my condition worsened. During simple conversations, I would pick up certain words and make guesses about the other words that I couldn’t hear. This made for interesting exchanges. When someone would ask me a question, and if they had a blank or perplexed look on their face after I answered, I knew I didn’t hear the question correctly. If this scenario happened among friends, I would joke about my disability and say, “I’m sorry, I’m just deaf AND dumb.” I used these words to diffuse the level of discomfort about an awkward conversational exchange. The comment was always about myself; I never used these words in reference to others.
Luckily my condition was treatable. I had a surgical procedure, a stapedectomy, to remove the three bones of the middle ear and replace them with a small piston and steel wire. Within days, my hearing had improved dramatically.
Recently, during a conversation with a group of individuals, the topic of hearing loss came up and I unintentionally uttered those two words – deaf and dumb. As soon as I said them, I cringed on the inside. I could rationalize that my response was from a former habit – the result from years of frustration suffering from my own hearing loss, but the words were wrong. Instead of stopping the conversation and expressing my regret for the choice of words, I let the conversation continue. I secretly hoped that maybe the others didn’t hear or pay attention to what I said.
In his apology regarding his use of “slut” and “prostitute”, Limbaugh said, “Those two words were inappropriate. They were uncalled for.” The two words I used were also inappropriate and uncalled for. The next time I encounter those individuals, I will personally say I’m sorry for what I said.
We can all learn something from public apologies. The words we choose, the comments we make have consequences. We hold ourselves accountable when we apologize for our comments, and we learn to be careful in our communications.
