I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get in trouble for what I say. A lot of times I think it’s because of what I don’t say, because generally when I’m in trouble I didn’t mean what got me there.
Sound familiar?
Frequently, I’ll start to make a comment and before I finish, someone else takes it and runs with it. You know it’s never the same when you try to corral that conversation and finish your statement. It always feels like you’re changing your comment or being wishy washy. Makes me crazy, probably makes me sound crazy too.
Like most people, I get asked questions about how I feel about things or what I know about something. I always try to be straightforward in what I say, but sometimes I think it might be better in the long run to taking the heat for politely walking away.
I will often say something, but then realize that there is a whole conversation of conditions about what I said behind the comment. And then there’s the added dimension of not knowing if you might just ignite a debate when you weren’t looking for one.
An example of that situation is being asked, “How do you feel about the growth in Morgan Hill?” This has come up with more frequency these days, and I have found that I rarely get it right. The reason I give includes a lot of background information, an exhaustive analysis of that information, and then I use that to inform my conclusion. But I have yet to find a person who is hopelessly interested in what I have say, or I have little enough sympathy for a human being to launch it on them.
It’s times like those that remind me I’ve got to learn how to redirect the conversation. Ever notice how some politicians are terrible at redirection and others are masterful? One seems awfully guilty of something and the other a brilliant orator who knew better about where the conversation should be headed.
Maybe that’s not the best example… Still, I could learn a thing or two about redirecting.
I also think about what we say to our friends, but probably more importantly what we say to people we don’t know or don’t know well. Your friends tend to understand where you’re coming from, but others will take your comments at face value without further confirmation.
Too often, I’ve heard someone repeat a rumor or state a blatant falsehood at a gathering or public setting. This is especially egregious when they are uttered by people that are respected because, well, they’re respected by others. People who are respected tend to be trusted, and that’s why respected people need to be the most honest (sorry if you feel like I’ve focused on you because you’re respected). Their words can affect many so if you’re respected, so maybe it’s best to have good information before passing it on. By the way, it only takes one other person to be respected.
I promise to always be honest with you, or maybe we’ll just talk about something else.
So in the process of writing this I have probably upset someone, please give me a chance to explain myself…
John McKay is president of the Morgan Hill Downtown Association, a city planning commissioner and co-founder of the Morgan Hill Tourism Alliance. He can be reached at
ta*****@ya***.com
.
