Today I have a confession to make; I am hooked on a certain TV
series. Yep, I’m a
”
24
”
junkie.
Today I have a confession to make; I am hooked on a certain TV series. Yep, I’m a “24” junkie.
Is this show an adrenaline rush or what? WHO on earth comes up with this stuff? And why do we (and I count you among the “we” as you presumably walk upright and have a pulse) reasonably intelligent human beings gobble this stuff up?
There’s beleaguered former CTU (Counter Terrorism Unit) agent Jack Bauer, back from the dead and receiving regular pummeling in the midsection from foreign radicals. About 14 times an hour (because “24” is in real-time format), Jack takes a call on his hyper-sophisticated cell phone from a long-suffering superior at CTU headquarters.
“Jack,” barks the CTU commando, “You are NOT to go into the high rise tower, take the freight elevator to the roof, find the disc that cracks the secret code to neutralize the canister full of nerve gas and take out the 11 terrorists and three helicopters waiting there in ambush. That’s a DIRECT ORDER FROM THE PRESIDENT, Jack.”
And Jack defiantly retorts,
“Sorry, Bill,” (or Michelle or George or Wayne or whoever’s the CTU head honcho of the hour since they get wiped out regularly), “I’m going in NOW or they’ll unleash the nerve gas and wipe out half the day spas in Beverly Hills.”
Fine…I’ll buy the nerve gas, but would someone explain what this “Direct Order from the President” business is about? I mean – are there INDIRECT orders from the president?
In the “real” world you have “W” there at the White House, it’s Friday night, and all he wants to do is put up his feet. So he says to the First Lady,
“Hey, Sugar, y’all bring me my slippers. Dang, my dogs are TIRED.”
Now, that’s a “Direct Order.” Therefore, an “Indirect Order” is:
“Hey, Sugar, get old Cheney to bring me my slippers.”
And the V.P., still in hot water from the Birdgate fiasco, complies. Normally he’d blow off these piddling “Indirect Orders” and pass them down to the Secretary of Sanctions. (Motto: “We don’t know what he does either, but he’s been around since the Eisenhower administration.”)
Now, an even more integral part of “24” than the President (who is eerily equivalent to Richard Nixon and dumber than dirt to boot) – were CTU’s dynamic duo of Chloe and Edgar, who took nerds and geeks to stellar new heights. Sadly, however, recently the terrorists apparently got Edgar (I mean, you just never know with these people).
Jack can barely navigate without calling Chloe who must then perform expert computer manipulations in a millisecond or all of creation will cease to exist.
So we had rubber-faced Chloe scrunching her beady eyes and taking weird sidelong glances at Edgar who was almost as clever at computer operations as Chloe. Edgar was in a perpetual huff about this or that – but had a pretty decent attitude despite Chloe saying, “Shut up, Edgar,” about every five seconds.
Meanwhile, Jack ignores orders for the gazillionth time and goes on the lamb for 59 minutes while we bite our fingernails and our blood pressure dangerously ascends another notch or two.
NOTE TO U.S. GOVERNMENT: Find Jack Bauer. Well, not LITERALLY Jack Bauer, but someone comparable, because if you had this guy on the payroll, you could immediately shut down a couple major branches of the military and get along just fine. Even though he does have this disturbing tendency to defy Direct Orders.
As for me, a strange thing has happened this season of “24.” About 45 minutes in, I find myself falling asleep on the couch – amidst the shootings and bombs and helicopter explosions. I just can’t take all this excitement.
