These are indeed exciting times we’re living in. For the past few weeks we were glued to our TV screens awaiting the latest word about “Delta” and “Dawn,” the humpback whale mom-and-daughter team that meandered up the Delta, seemingly having lost their sense of direction.
Now this is not the first time a whale has roamed up to the Delta region. In 1985, “Humphrey,” a humpback who achieved rock star fame at the time, strayed out of ocean waters and spent more than a month frolicking in the fresh water of the Delta. And where Humphrey traveled a modest 69 miles inland, Delta and Dawn managed, at their furthest point, to journey well over 90 miles away from the sea.
Of course you see the glaring discrepancy here. How did the male, Humphrey, manage to go only 69 miles astray while the female, Delta, drifted slightly under 100 miles off course – while dragging a toddler alongside, I might add, and you know how that can slow a mother down! I realize I’m treading on hallowed ground here, but any nitwit knows a male will travel in circles forever because no way is a guy going to ask for directions. So what’s up with this so-called “female” whale, Delta, who was even more disoriented than her male counterpart? I’ll tell you what. Somebody needs to inspect this whale’s driver’s license because my theory is that “Delta” was no female but rather a male whale with the possible name of “Dexter” who was merely posing as a female to throw everyone off track. If Delta were truly of the feminine persuasion, she’d have found a gas station or convenience store days ago and asked for proper directions.
But OK, say my theory is wrong and Delta was, in fact, a terribly mixed-up female who, with her calf, had been swimming in circles for a couple of weeks. It’s no wonder the poor thing was confused. First the rescue team tried to get her to change direction by banging on pipes. Oh, please. Talk about giving a girl a headache! It’s a wonder she didn’t go into a major snit and just ram those folks who were so irritatingly loud. I know I wouldn’t be able to focus over all that racquet, and she plainly couldn’t either. It’s not like she could just lift her head out of the water and holler at everybody to please knock off the noise so she could hear herself think.
Then scientists decided that broadcasting recorded whale sounds beneath the water’s surface would entice Delta to turn around and head back out to sea. But – duh! The sounds turned out to be from the Orca (i.e. “killer whale”) species, resulting in even more confusion and swimming in circles. Next, recorded noises from humpback whales were brought in and transmitted to the pair. So now they at least had the correct species, but the recordings conveyed sounds of humpbacks feeding. Now how relaxing is that? With clanging pipes still ringing in her ears, killer whales lurking in the distance, and crowds of human onlookers cavorting on the shoreline, Delta then had to tolerate humpbacks engaging in casual dinner conversation. Imagine her frustration! She is beyond famished, somewhere nearby there’s a smorgasbord – and she hasn’t a clue how to find the buffet line. This would be about as restful as you sitting down to dinner and suddenly realizing that your dinner table was smack in the middle of Monster Park where fans are screaming and the 49ers are ready to run out onto the field.
May I make a simple suggestion here? How about fitting these mammals with GPS devices? Just think what a time saver this would be at whale migration time. At any given moment, the male whale would snap on his device and immediately correct any potential navigational deviation. (“Yo, Madeline,” the male whale would alertly inform his mate. “GPS says we’re in fresh water, as in “no salt,” plus we’re 37 degrees off course for Hawaii.” “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Roger,” responds his mate in her squeaky whale voice. “Didn’t I warn you not to pull out of the procession? But nooooooooo … you had to chase that big school of carp halfway to Tahiti. Now we’ll never make it to Maui before the Hendersons and I told Marsha we’d have them over for krill on Sunday.”
But at last rescue efforts abated for a couple of days and Delta and Dawn bore back toward the sea. Feeling frisky after some helpful antibiotics administrated by rescuers, the girls turned seaward, evidently sliced swiftly beneath the Golden Gate and headed home.
Just imagine the explanation Delta is going to have to make when she finally meets up with her family again. After the trauma she suffered over the past few weeks, the last thing she needs is a grumpy mate and pouty offspring because she was MIA for a few days. And what about when Dawn becomes a teenager? Oh, good heavens, you know that she’ll be giving her mother all kinds of grief about the time she dragged her up and down the Sacramento Delta. This could tragically lead to whale pod therapy or even – gasp – humpback rehab! I mean, what’s a mother to do?
But today I’m glad to know that Delta and Dawn seemingly navigated the perilous waters safely back to sea and to their humpback family. They survived the voyage despite the appearance of a few happy folks along their outbound journey who couldn’t resist jumping into the water (and being fished back out by authorities) because those cheerful souls wanted to “swim with the whales,” and oh, wow, dude, how totally awesome. But I’m beyond relieved that we won’t have to consider the sad ramifications if Delta and Dawn didn’t make it back to sea in time. Forgive me for bringing this up, but that would have been just waaaay too much sushi.
Gale Hammond is a 24-year Morgan Hill resident. Reach her at Ga*********@*ol.com.
