When given the opportunity to fill this column, I thought, gee
this will be easy. But as I
’ve sat here looking at a blank page, I’m torn.
When given the opportunity to fill this column, I thought, gee this will be easy. But as I’ve sat here looking at a blank page, I’m torn. There are so many people who knew Ken, and have their own stories to share. So the best I can offer is an insight into a micro chasm of what the loss of Ken was from our own perspective, and that of his family.
When Ken left us on May 15 of last year, so many of us in the community were lost. However, no one knows better the loss of Ken Tougas, than his wife, Pat Steinbrook.
While speaking with Pat (which is something I don’t do nearly often enough) she shared several thoughts I share with her permission.
Pat and her family recently made a very generous donation to South Bay Alliance (a nonprofit formed last June) to get the ChildSpree program off the ground this year. ChildSpree offers children in need of new school clothing and a backpack full of supplies each fall. It was overwhelming to think Pat would even remember the program with the anniversary of Ken’s passing fast approaching.
Pat stated, “ChildSpree and the children were so important to Ken. We did this every year and I think it’s important.”
We chatted at length about Ken and his projects, and shared laughter over the little dramas that always occur.
One thing Pat did ask me to share was this:
“Please thank all the people who continue to call me, send cards and notes. It’s real nice and helps a lot.”
Pat’s daughter Lisa Allman, and her husband Bob are the primary daily support system for Pat, who relied heavily on Ken’s assistance. The cards and phone calls are Pat’s emotional support. If we all miss Ken’s presence during certain times of the year, how shallow it seems by comparison with his family missing him on a daily basis.
Pat and I spoke towards the end of our conversation about a permanent memorial of some sort in Ken’s honor. This is a project the volunteer-based South Bay Alliance will be working on. Details will emerge along the way, but we agreed that it must benefit the children, one of Ken’s primary passions.
On the public side of Ken’s life, it was learned just 20 short days after his passing that the first major impacted group would be the children who benefit from ChildSpree. Many of you know first hand the panic of the situation, as South Bay Alliance sent out a call for help.
With very short notice, and the help of many people throughout the community, both public, private and service club sectors the program was saved for 2003. While I have become the unwitting public face for some of Ken’s projects, there are others who prefer to remain low-key who do all the real work. It is the volunteers involved in some of the programs Ken touched, who make the ultimate commitment to continue on in his spirit.
Come fall and just six short months after losing Ken, it was Toys for Tots time. Need I even say how much easier it was for the volunteers with Ken leading the charge? The big hole he left behind was weighing heavily on everyone. Ken was Santa for so many years; no one could even attempt to fill those shoes.
No one could fill Ken’s shoes. The South Bay Alliance’s core group, The Marine Corps Reserve, volunteers galore (you know who you are) and all our wonderful firefighters jumped right and gave it their all. The force of Ken had multiplied, and it was an awesome thing to take part in.
With nary a complaint heard about the cold, the rains, the lugging and sorting; people instead shared their favorite stories about Ken. Stories were told of how Ken touched each person’s life, and how he was notorious for snookering people into “just a small project.” Many had witnessed first hand the benefits to someone whose life Ken had touched and the difference it made.
We talked about how he would love watching all of us scramble about. We laughed at his stubborn traits, and welled up remembering the laughter. We agreed on how fortunate we all were to have had Ken among us.
This past year has been both a difficult one for some of us, and at the same time, a very rewarding year. When Ken was with us, how simple it all seemed when he would ask “Can you show up here on this date and help me out a bit?” Was Ken the master of understatements or what? There was always more than “a bit” of work involved.
There was only one person missing who would have enjoyed the events more than we this past year; but we know he was keeping an eye on us all. Ken loved working on projects, and when there was nothing going on, he’d come up with ideas for even more things to do. While the work was being done, or an event was taking place, you could see the gleam in his eyes. He was as gleeful as any child.
We’ve learned that if you put out the call, people in Morgan Hill will answer. We’ve learned that one person can make a difference; Ken proved that to us all. None of this past year’s efforts would have succeeded without all of the volunteers and donors along the way.
ChildSpree will continue, Toys for Tots will continue, and along with everyone near to our hearts we’ve lost along the way, we will continue to cherish the memories of them all, along with our friend Ken.
May is the month when we honor our mothers, we honor our veterans and Morgan Hill honors the memory of the impact of one man – a true, giving, American soul: Ken Tougas, 1937-2003. We miss you Ken.
To send cards and notes to Ken’s family: Pat Steinbrook-Tougas, P.O. Box 277, Morgan Hill, CA 95038.
To help with Ken’s favorite projects: South Bay Alliance, P.O. Box 1179, Morgan Hill, CA 95038, 408-776-2791.
Gina Six was one of Ken Tougas’ main right-hand helpers. She runs Cochrane Self-Storage and is involved with many community volunteer projects besides the Tougas variety, including YourMorganhill.com, the place to go for all Morgan Hill activities. Six lives in Morgan Hill with her husband Steve Kudo.
