As the adage goes,
“good manners never go out of style.” However, with talk of
bullet trains, big box stores and ever-increasing housing
developments, Morgan Hill and Gilroy are quickly shedding their
small-town image. Are South Valley residents ready for a faster
pace of life? Will the courtesy associated with li
fe in a small town be just a distant memory?
As the adage goes, “good manners never go out of style.”
However, with talk of bullet trains, big box stores and ever-increasing housing developments, Morgan Hill and Gilroy are quickly shedding their small-town image.
Are South Valley residents ready for a faster pace of life? Will the courtesy associated with life in a small town be just a distant memory?
After surveying the area, it’s clear that well-mannered people and establishments are still alive and well, and they don’t show any sign of exiting any time soon. Fast food establishments generally aren’t seen as a the epitome of sterling manners, but at Leavesley Road’s In-N-Out Burger, people clearly still mind their Ps and Qs.
Employee Toni Senior, 16, hums a tune as she clears tables in the patio area. The eatery is buzzing on this Saturday afternoon as bargain hunters at the nearby outlet stores take a breather for lunch.
Despite the hungry patrons that bustle in and out, Senior and her fellow employees maintain a cheerful attitude. Every order is followed by a “thank you” and a “have a nice day.” Most of their customers are a picture of politeness as well: doors are held open for others, and patrons wait patiently for their numbers to be called.
“Our policy is, if customers come here and see that we welcome them and we’re friendly, they’re going to have a good time and want to come back,” Senior said.
Etiquette?
“Your welcomes” seem to flow in South Valley like a strong current over a waterfall, but what about etiquette? Even the slightest mention of the word evokes images of stodginess and snobbery, complete with a porcelain teacup or two. However, as Charles Purdy, a San Francisco-based etiquette expert, will tell you, “many etiquette rules actually have their basis in common sense, and the true basis of courteous behavior has always been tolerance and compassion for everyone.”
So don’t stress out about whether you are holding the shellfish fork correctly, he advises. “(The finer etiquette points) are important too, but secondarily.”
What is important is how people treat each other. Just ask Children’s Program Librarian Linda Glawatz at the Gilroy Public Library. Kids come to her one after another with questions ranging from how to find the right reading material for a project to where the new Harry Potter book is located.
“I’d say Gilroy kids, overall, are really polite,” she said, smiling. “They’re very good at saying ‘thank you’ when you find things for them. Some don’t, but the majority do.”
The children’s section of the library serves as a popular after-school hangout spot for kids, and many of them are here without parental supervision. Nonetheless, the kids behave themselves and generally observe library rules of not climbing on furniture, not running and using a quiet inside voice, Glawatz observed.
Then and now
Although Glawatz said she’s impressed by how well-behaved many of her adolescent patrons can be, she also acknowledges that there’s still room for improvement. Since she began working at the library 17 years ago, Glawatz has noticed that more so than ever before, older children tend to have a “smart mouth.”
“You used to only see it with boys, but now girls too,” she said. “They hear it more on television, on the street. It’s also that age, when you’re a teenager, you’re going to question authority.”
John Fullmer, 45, a 20-year resident, also has noticed a similar trend.
“I think back when I was growing up there were more manners that you were actually taught,” said the father of two teenaged girls. “I was taught to say thank you to people, open doors for them. But nowadays, because of the faster pace of life, people tend to be a little ruder. People could learn a little more manners, and it’s our duty to instill them into our children.”
However, there may still be hope for today’s generation of young people. Purdy thinks more and more people today are starting to pay attention to manners once again.
“The informal ‘let it all hang out’ era is, I think, coming to an end,” he said. “I think we’re seeing more and more people realize how important etiquette is. (The rules of etiquette) are so useful; without them, people weren’t quite sure how to behave with one another.”
On the road
The road is another hotbed of etiquette and safety issues. Whether it’s tailgating, cutting someone off, neglecting to signal lane changes or stealing a coveted parking space, people often do things that they would never dream of doing in person when protected by the anonymity a car provides.
Would you yell abrasively at someone in the mall to get out of your way? Hopefully not. But honking a horn at an out-of-town driver somehow gets the OK from many otherwise civic-minded folks.
”I get that way myself sometimes,” Fullmer said. “Sometimes people aren’t paying attention, you just got to be extra careful, especially in the parking lot. Everybody’s in a big hurry.”
With cases like the high profile road rage incident in San Jose in 2000 where an irate man threw the dog Leo to his death in traffic over a minor accident, it would be wise to keep Fullmer’s advice in mind.
What to do
Purdy, an etiquette columnist, said that at the root of rudeness is what he describes as the feeling of self-entitlement that modern Americans can sometimes have.
“It’s the attitude or belief that ‘My comfort and happiness are more important than anyone else’s’,” Purdy said. “If you think your comfort takes precedence over your community’s well-being, you won’t hesitate to, for example, toss your trash on the ground, use your cell phone during a movie and so on.”
Rectifying this attitude is easy and yields benefits to both the individual as well as the community.
“Properly employing courtesy makes your community a better place to live,” Purdy pointed out. “This benefits you, too, obviously, because you have to live in your community.”
He suggests that greeting people with a phrase as simple as “good afternoon” can make a big difference.
“You will notice that the world around you starts to seem a bit friendlier.”
Charles Purdy is an etiquette advice columnist for SF Weekly and has written for Genre and PlanetOut.com. You can visit his Web site at www.DearSocialGrace.com.
