It has come to my attention that there are numerous highly rich
and therefore eminently qualified individuals in our fair state who
do not appear to be doing their civic duty by purchasing one of our
many fine public offices. This is most distressing.
It has come to my attention that there are numerous highly rich and therefore eminently qualified individuals in our fair state who do not appear to be doing their civic duty by purchasing one of our many fine public offices. This is most distressing.
I mean, it must be called the Golden State for some reason; I assume it refers to the principle that those with the gold run the state.
And it’s not like there is a shortage of the able-bodied hyper-wealthy; according to the latest statistics we have approximately quite a few of them, and they’re not all fully occupied with winning the America’s Cup or developing a cell phone smart enough to graduate from Stanford. Yet throughout the length and breadth of our left-coast paradise thundering herds of extremely well-heeled citizens – we see their pictures in the society pages, we hear about them on television – for some no doubt self-absorbed reason disdain to occupy positions of political power which are just lying around waiting to be bought.
What is wrong with these people? Why are they not following the laudable example set by such native luminaries as Carly Fiorino, Steve Poizner and Meg Whitman?
It is downright insulting to the population of average, nondescript just-folks Californians that such a large collegium of self-evidently superior beings are not bothering to invest a portion of their personal exchequers in the acquisition of impressive public titles.
I mean, how hard can it be? Consider for instance Meg Whitman: for her very first attempt at public office at any level she has chosen the highest position in the state, no doubt based on the venerated work-ethic principle that to get good at something you should start at the top and work your way nowhere.
But then again for such a person as Ms. Whitman it is not only appropriate but necessary that she should aim for the Governor’s chair with her first arrow; any lower office would be demeaning to her net worth.
And make no mistake, she is qualified: for one thing, she used to be the CEO of a very large corporation, which is nearly identical to governing a state except for a great many things; for another, she is not merely rich, she is crazy-rich, the kind of rich the merely rich aspire to.
If you are by chance waiting for a third thing, don’t; there isn’t one.
Which is my point. Meg Whitman’s qualifications are exactly the same as those of every other bazillionaire in California who once ran a big company, no more no less, so why aren’t more of them stepping up to the plate?
Don’t they realize that if they don’t buy up these very attractive political properties the common people will have no choice but to elect city councils and boards of supervisors and state legislatures from among themselves?
I mean, we’re talking about a major drop-off in quality here. Normal everyday plebeians in charge of government?
How can they be expected to understand the hopes and dreams, the needs and burdens of the average tycoon?
How can they possibly have the wisdom to manage billions of dollars when they’ve never had so much as a single billion to call their own?
So come on, all you public-spirited plutocrats out there; we have lots of high-status offices for sale at prices you can afford, in fact at prices only you can afford.
The cost may be high but the standards are low, and a tissue-thin resume can be easily buried under a clinically-obese wallet. All you need is a series of campaign commercials and slick brochures with the production values of a James Cameron blockbuster getting out your simple, direct, compelling platform: “I’m filthy rich and obviously I must have done something worthy of your vote to get that way.”
“From those to whom much is given much is expected;” are you listening, excessively rich people? This means you, so fulfill your social obligation and buy yourself a nice public office, maybe buy a second one for the kids to play with.
Please; we need the money.
Despite being an award-winning columnist, Robert Mitchell doggedly remains the same eccentric attorney who has practiced general law in Morgan Hill for more than 30 years. Reach him at r.****@*****on.net.
