What To Expect When You’re Expecting

“What To Expect When You’re Expecting” is what you might expect from a movie based on a popular pregnancy how-to manual: It’s about nine months long. Five stories of expectant mothers intertwine: Jules (Cameron Diaz) is a fitness guru trying not to let pregnancy slow her down; Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) finds that her long-awaited pregnancy is more difficult than she anticipated; Holly (Jennifer Lopez) eagerly awaits an international adoption; Skyler (Brooklyn Decker), Wendy’s very young stepmother-in-law, breezes through a twin pregnancy; and Rosie (Anna Kendrick), a food-truck vendor, is shocked to find that she’s “expecting.” There are men here, too, but they don’t matter much – except during the sporadically funny cuts to a posse of dads at the playground, led by Chris Rock and a bored-looking baby girl. All of these stories unfold with the expected accessories – vomiting, angst, real-looking bellies – and everyone turns out, as expected for this sort of movie, just fine. Meanwhile, the “What To Expect … “ paperback lounges around in a contractually-obligated fashion in the background, like a persistent houseguest who’s being politely ignored. The plot lines move along placidly, so there’s plenty of time to ponder extracurricular issues, such as why Elizabeth Banks made hormonal rages so funny on “30 Rock” and so dull here, or why Jennifer Lopez appears to be the only woman alive who can have an elaborate emotional meltdown while maintaining perfectly glossed lips. But mostly “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” feels like five mediocre romantic comedies uncomfortably squished together. Don’t expect much.