In light of recent events, and letters defending David Wolfsmith (a 51-year-old personal trainer and former owner of a Morgan Hill gym, who pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting more than a dozen female victims—one of them a child), I would like to share some thoughts, from a victim of sexual abuse as a 7-year-old.
Being a victim of such acts changes your entire life. I suffered in silence, and felt fear, shame and guilt daily. Now I know that those feelings belong to the perpetrator of my abuse—NOT ME.
It took me 25 years to speak about what happened to me as a child, and it is still not easy. I want other victims to know that it may take years, as it did for me, to realize that what happened to you was NOT your fault. There is help. Therapy has helped save my life.
To those people who say things like, “He is a good man,” or, “I never saw those things happen,” that’s how abusers work. They keep up the appearance of a good upstanding citizen, while being a monster behind the disguise. That’s how they are able to keep abusing more victims.
I’m not claiming to know every detail of this particular case, but blaming the victims or saying, “They’re just in it for a payday,” is harmful to the victims who are already suffering enough.
NO amount of money can fix what’s been done to you and restore your trust in people. There is no big payday for victims of sexual assault. Many victims can’t even speak about what happened to them, let alone pursue their case legally.
So many victims suffer in silence. I want those victims to know they are NOT alone. There are others who know your pain, believe you, and will support you. It is not an easy road; anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD—it’s all real, but if we support each other, instead of adding more pain to people already suffering, that is at least a start.
Sandra Willson
San Martin
