Truly, it is a crime that knows no boundaries – age, racial,
socio-economic, gender – an equal opportunity crime that, while
perhaps naturally on the rise during the holiday season when
families are in close quarters, it is also a year-round phenomenon.
And most cases are never reported.
Truly, it is a crime that knows no boundaries – age, racial, socio-economic, gender – an equal opportunity crime that, while perhaps naturally on the rise during the holiday season when families are in close quarters, it is also a year-round phenomenon. And most cases are never reported.
For its victims, domestic violence is a living nightmare. Sometimes, the outcome is less severe in terms of measurable physical damage: some broken household items, some shouting, some pushing and shoving.
Although that seems mild, compared to what the violence can escalate to become, it festers insidiously, affecting the entire family.
After this past weekend with six incidents that required police intervention, including a woman held captive basically without food and water by her husband for 36 hours, it would not be too much of an understatement to stay that it’s at near-epidemic status in Morgan Hill.
Financial fears may keep a victim from reporting, as well as concerns for safety. In this area, there are also victims who are illegal immigrants and are afraid to report abuse for fear they will be arrested, deported, lose their children.
The stigma of abuse, the embarrassment factor, may keep many victims from reporting. Many victims with high income levels may fear losing their status in the community or their lifestyle.
A very big factor in both non-reporting and victims staying in an abusive relationship is control. Domestic violence is not only physical, it is mental. The abuser needs to be in control, and abuse sometimes begins with the abuser isolating the victim from family and friends, from any kind of support system. Even if the victim is allowed to maintain a relationship with family or friends, and other people suspect the abuse, they sometimes believe to report the crime will result in further – and more severe – abuse. Those outside the abusive relationship may be reluctant to get involved for any number of reasons, yet to end the cycle, families have to reach out for help.
During the period of time between Thanksgiving and the beginning of the new year, most families are together more than other times of the year, and incidents of domestic violence can double. Alcohol consumption and drug use often play a role. There’s also stress associated with the holiday season.
Experts advise removing yourself from the situation, if possible, before it becomes abusive. We need to step up to the plate and encourage those around us who we fear are victims to get help, and we need to offer to help them find it.
We need to teach our children that violence is wrong, for any reason; we need to learn anger management, as popular culture calls it. If you or someone you know is on the verge of becoming an abuser, whether of a spouse, a child, an elderly person, don’t take or let them take that first step. Take a step instead to find counseling, seek support from family members or friends or clergy or whatever avenue works best, but do it before it’s too late. Even simple strategies, such as leaving the home to take a long walk when the pressure builds, can be effective.
Breaking the cycle of domestic violence is not easy, but there is help. The victim – and domestic violence can create multiple victims in one household – will need support putting her or his life back together. We have help available in our community – Community Solutions. Now we need to encourage those who need it to take advantage of it.
