Newfangled turkey dinner and a martini can take care of the shopping sting

Oh joy. It’s Christmas shopping time again. I so look forward to Black Friday, I can barely contain myself. Truth is, I rarely leave home from Thanksgiving until the following Tuesday. I went to the Gilroy Outlets one year and spent the entire day driving around looking for a parking place. The only thing I remember getting was gas.
One thing that amazes me is the difference between the way women and men approach the task of purchasing something. When Lady M goes shopping, let’s say she is looking for a dress. She will go to several stores, look at almost every frock in each store, try on many of them, and if she finds something she really likes she will “think about it.” She explains to me that this is how it’s done.
I don’t go shopping. I go buying. I decide before I get to Morgan Hill’s great Ace Hardware what I want and on which aisle I am likely to find it. I go directly to that aisle and pick it up, go directly to the checkout counter and I’m out of there in minutes – the fewer the better. That’s buying.
Recently, Lady M and I spent a wonderful weekend in San Francisco. One of our goals was to find Lady M a new leather jacket. She has been shopping for one for more than a year. We had looked from Carmel to San Francisco and everywhere in between, but never found just the right one. Even during this trip to The City, we drew a blank. But on our way back to Morgan Hill, we went through the Mission District and I spotted a large store with “LEATHER” plastered on the store front. I convinced Lady M this just might be the place.
When at the store’s front door, we might have been a little wary. You see, there was a locked metal gate covering the entrance. But nothing ventured … We rang the bell and an unsavory looking character with spiked, purple hair unlocked the door and let us in. Lady M said she didn’t think we would find anything there and we ought to make a fast exit – while we still could. I saw some leather jackets and told her I was gong to take a quick look.
After a minute or two, she came very close to me and grabbed my arm giving off a definite sense of apprehension. She told me to look around the store carefully. Well, there was a collection of leather products the likes of which I had never seen before. Collars, whips, bras, – you probably get the idea so I’ll stop there. We left in a matter minutes, but not before I bought a really nice leather jacket at a very reasonable price. Lady M still is not quite at ease when I wear it, but hopefully she’ll get used to it. Someday.
So, back to shopping for Christmas. When you have seven children and 17 grandchildren, it can become a challenge. So, we now try to find family gifts. You know, a nice chain saw or pneumatic nail gun – something that everyone can enjoy. Lady M makes sure that there are always things for the grandchildren. They and I love her for that.
But gifts are not all that the holidays are about. There is also the food.
Starting at Thanksgiving all the way through New Years, eat, drink and gain weight is the motto. I had a great thought about this the other day. I’m sure you are familiar with the turducken. I first heard about it from John Madden several years ago. For all I know he invented it. I see now that it is actually available at Costco. (Of course the smallest one they sell weighs 250 pounds.) Well, I have created a new epicurean delight for the holidays. I call it a Turdinneritto. It is pronounced tur-dinner-itto_. It is a turkey dinner packaged like a burrito.
To make this fantastic treat, take a flour tortilla, cover it with a thin layer of candied sweet potatoes; layer it with a mixture of light and dark turkey meat; next add some dressing and string beans. Cover that with plenty of cranberry sauce. Now, wrap the tortilla in typical burrito fashion. Top it with a dollop of mashed potatoes and drizzle some turkey gravy over the finished product. Adding a few brussel sprouts as a garnish adds a nice touch. Serve with a side of french-fried onion rings and, voila, a turdinneritto.
I think it might even be a bigger hit than a turduckin. Let me know what you think. If you like it, maybe we can go buying stuff together at Ace Hardware sometime and then have turdinneritto lunch – or a martini.
Henry “Hank” Miller is a retired rocket scientist, he has an interest in classic automobiles, good  conversation, martinis and community affairs. Reach him at ha******@gm***.com.