In John Steinbeck’s short story
”
Flight,
”
a young boy asks his mother when does a boy become a man. The
mother responds wisely,
”
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
”
In John Steinbeck’s short story “Flight,” a young boy asks his mother when does a boy become a man. The mother responds wisely, “A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.” During the time period of the story, becoming a man meant taking over the responsibilities or contributing to the duties of maintaining a household. The same was true for becoming a woman.
In many cultures and traditions, this rite of passage from childhood to adulthood is marked by an event or a celebration. For some Native American tribes, the vision quest provides an opportunity for young males to go alone on a spiritual journey into the wilderness, marking the transition from child to man. For Jewish families, the Bat and Bar Mitzvah is the first time in which the girl or boy participates in the Sabbath as an adult. Catholics have confirmation, a religious ceremony indicating that the young person is now old enough to choose the faith.
In European cultures, the traditional coming out party for young girls, the debutante ball, introduced young women of marriageable age to society. A version of this, the sweet sixteen birthday, is a carry over of this tradition. The cotillion, often celebrated at age 18, prepares girls for entry into womanhood by learning dance, etiquette, and other social graces. For young Latina girls, the transition from childhood to womanhood is marked by the quinceañera, a fifteenth birthday celebration.
The quinceañera celebration is an old tradition that can be traced back to the Mayans and Aztecs. It is a time when family, friends and the community acknowledges a young girl’s transition into womanhood. Historically, the event signified that a young woman was eligible to marry and bear children.
Today, in Mexico and in many Hispanic communities, young girls are given two options by which to celebrate their 15th birthday: a formal event or a viaje (a journey). The birthday party, or fiesta, can be a huge production equivalent to a wedding with chambelanes (chamberlains) and damas (maids of honor), hall rental, catering, cake, video, photography, live entertainment or DJs. The trip or journey can be as simple as an escape to a nearby village or a more elaborate European getaway. The manner in which the birthday is celebrated varies depending on a family’s economic standing.
When three of my cousins in Mexico turned 15, they opted not to have a party. In turn, each of them came to California during their summer vacation to be with extended family and to celebrate their birthdays. Other cousins in Mexico and Los Angeles, however, have chosen lavish parties with 400-plus guests.
Four years ago, when my eldest daughter was approaching her 15th birthday, she informed us that she wanted a quinceañera party. We held our daughter’s event at the Morgan Hill Community and Cultural Center, and it was a family production. Aunts, uncles and cousins arrived early to arrange tables and decorate. The DJ setup his equipment and the caterer displayed food. The program began with a slide show of our daughter’s life. She and her damas danced to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Her tiara represented her elevated status; she wore the traditional gifts of earrings and a ring – reminders to listen and to hold close the advice and love of her family. She received her last doll, a traditional gift marking the end of childhood. In a symbolic ritual, she changed her shoes, taking off her flats and giving them to her little sister as her mother and I presented her with her first high heels – a symbol of womanhood. In her heels, she and I danced, then I ceremoniously bowed out and allowed her to dance with her chambelanes – a ritual symbolizing a father’s acceptance that his daughter is old enough to date and that he trusts the young men to treat her with respect.
Part of becoming an adult is the ability to reason out ideas, to budget, to plan and to participate in decision-making. When a young girl is included in the planning of the event, she begins taking an active, more adult-like role in her own rite of passage. This happened as my eldest daughter helped with the plans for her quinceañera.
This year my youngest daughter turns 15, and she has decided not to follow in her sister’s footsteps. Instead of a traditional party, she wants to travel. She has reasoned out her ideas, she has a budget, and I’m encouraging her to research and plan her destination and travel itinerary. I am hopeful that she, too, will experience this transition from girl to woman in having a larger role to play in decisions related to her travel. Steinbeck’s character might agree that a girl becomes a woman when the need for a woman arises. Regardless of cultural background, it’s a good idea to entrust teens with ever-increasing responsibilities into the adult world.
Mario Banuelos has lived in Morgan Hill for 19 years. He has served on the South County Dayworker Committee and is a member of the Morgan Hill Community Foundation. He is married and has four children.
