Hello. I used to write a column here. Then I didn’t. Now I do. I’m not fond of lengthy introductions.
I re-animate my version of the one-sided conversation that is newspaper punditry at a time when the world of information dissemination and particularly print media is undergoing an earthquake of such magnitude that much destruction is certain and what will survive is anybody’s guess.
The 9.8 on the Richter scale, the Indonesian tsunami, the sinking of Atlantis – feel free to insert the colorful upheaval of your choice – is of course the Internet, that vast oracle of all things true and all things claimed to be, the ethereal Svengali that charms and tempts and sometimes leads us right off a cliff with the promise of instantaneous access to the entire known universe, continuously updated and 10 percent off if you have a coupon. We may not have the power to create life, but the ‘Net is rapidly becoming a functional substitute for it.
So, when you can get news from Yahoo and opinions from an infinite number of blogs, sports reports and live action on streaming video, and advertising, wanted or not, to your e-mail address, what is the future of good old hasn’t-changed-since-Ben-Franklin hardcopy newspapers?
Myself, I like them, but then again Ben Franklin and I were classmates. A morning paper and a cup of coffee is the world’s way of welcoming me to participate once again, however grudgingly, in life’s rich pageant, and I find comfort and a sense of stability in the way they leave ink on my fingertips. Call it a habit.
Lately though, papers have been tripping over themselves to remain relevant and appealing to the short-attention-span demographic by changing formats and speeding up the news-to-brain time. This is a rather hit-and-miss process which I find disorienting. For example, the Great Big Paper in San Jose has eliminated one-third of the most crucial, satisfying portion of its Sunday edition, namely the comics, which are entertaining snippets of twisted reality distinguishable from news stories in that they are printed in color. Yet the paper still weighs a pound and continues to decimate the forests with thick sections on topics I never even glance at, entire sylvan glades of former trees that go directly from my driveway to my recycling bin. This is dumb.
There has been talk of a future in which newspapers will be customized to fit the reader’s interests, everyone on the block receiving a different edition tuned to individual preferences. I like that; it could be the answer that saves the species from extinction, and I would like to put in my order right away, to avoid the rush later on.
No employment ads; I have a job. No real estate section; I have a house. No travel section; it just makes me want to go places I’m not going to go. No want ads; I already have an embarrassing amount of stuff. No reference, ever, to the words “Paris” or “Hilton;” I will happily forego learning anything further about the hotel chain or the capital of France in order to avoid all risk of being exposed to alleged information about the alleged person. I know of at least three people who have died from overexposure to information about Michael Jackson and I have no wish to swell the ranks.
This is what I want: any information dealing with exciting archeological discoveries, Ferrari automobiles, the Sharks, upcoming road construction affecting my commute, new local restaurants, and former members of the Grateful Dead. I’m willing to tolerate a smattering of politics unalloyed with somebody’s religion, as well as a soupcon of basic news about the Middle East which might be important (Have we won yet, whatever that means? Have Hamas and Fatah agreed to settle their power struggle by sending representatives to compete on “Dancing With the Stars?” Does the Pentagon really have a secret plan to destroy Al Qaeda by providing them with toys made in China?). Throw in a weather report and 10 pages of comics and voila, an eco-friendly rag perfectly suited to my needs. Call me old-fashioned, but a computer screen just ain’t the same.
Robert Mitchell is an eccentric attorney who has been practicing general law in Morgan Hill for more than 30 years. Reach him at r.****@ve*****.net.
