Until two weeks ago, I had a nice working relationship with "Kate," my administrative assistant. Then she suddenly stopped talking to me. Now she will ask only necessary business questions.
Kate is fine with everyone else in the office, but she won't even look at me or say goodbye at the end of the day. When I ask if I've done anything to upset her, she says no.
I've tried small talk, but that only makes her clam up more. I have absolutely no idea why she's acting this way. Any advice on getting her to open up?
A:
People who use the silent treatment are deeply afraid of conflict. Their actions clearly convey anger, but when asked what's wrong, they invariably reply "nothing" in a frosty tone.
The target of this tactic faces an impossible dilemma: A problem clearly exists, but there's no way to resolve it. Continued attempts to placate the passive-aggressive pouter will just reinforce the behavior. So the only way to end this silly game is to stop playing.
If Kate were a coworker, I'd say ignore her foolishness and go about your business. However, as her manager, you must put an end to this childish mime act.
For example: "Kate, I know you're upset, but I have no idea why. If you'd like to tell me, I'll be glad to discuss your concerns. But if not, we still need to communicate normally. So would you prefer to talk about the problem or just return to regular communication?"
If Kate still insists that nothing is wrong, simply say "That's great. I'm glad to know everything's OK." Then drop the subject, resume your normal relationship, and ignore any pouting.
Kate's sulky behavior should soon disappear. But if not, treat it like any other performance problem. Kate needs to learn that mature professionals don't act out their feelings like 3-year-olds.
Q:
Our company was recently acquired by a large corporation. When jobs were realigned, mine was assigned to a lower pay grade. However, as we merged functions, my responsibilities were effectively doubled.
During my performance review, I received glowing praise. But I was also told that I will only receive a 1 percent raise, because my salary is almost $10,000 more than others in my group. My boss says this decision is "not personal." Should I believe him?
A:
This is an unfortunate, but not uncommon, acquisition saga. When companies combine, blending different job classification systems is a tough task. And the new owner usually gets to make the rules.
Your old company apparently paid more, so your salary now exceeds the maximum for your new pay grade. When that happens, raises are typically minimized until everyone's pay is "in line."
Because no one ever feels overpaid, I'm sure this seems unfair. But it truly is not personal. The "glowing praise" indicates that you are still highly valued. Your compensation just needs to fit the new scheme.
However, your recently doubled responsibilities may provide some recourse. Ask your human resources manager if this new job description might warrant a higher pay grade.
Although the Morgan Hill Times does not have any obligation to monitor this board, the Morgan Hill Times reserves the right at all times to check this board and to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable to the Morgan Hill Times in our sole discretion and to disclose any information necessary to satisfy the law, regulation, or government request. The Morgan Hill Times also reserves the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions. All threats to systems or site infrastructure shall be assumed genuine in nature and will be reported to the appropriate law enforcement authorities. Submission of any comments will be considered permission to use online or in print.
Behind the brews: the origin and making of El Toro beers
